More information than you ever wanted to know about how the last three days went

So this is basically what happened to me since my last post on Thursday morning. Most of the TMI parts will be cut, to protect anyone's delicate sensibilities, because frankly it's gratuitous and not all that interesting.

I spent Thursday morning running around Montreal getting my driver's license and my medicare card renewed. That was relatively painless and quick, for which I was extremely grateful as I was feeling like crap. Of course, I'd been feeling like crap since last Thursday, but had been cheerfully ignoring it as my main method of dealing with illness is saying to myself: "I'm not sick. I'm not sick. I refuse to be sick."

( TMI from here on )

( TMI, this time about the overnight stay in the hospital )

( And TMI about what happened after I left the hospital )

So there you have it, folks. Me in a very large nutshell over the past few days. I ought to be home permanently by tomorrow. If all goes well, I should be on medical leave from work for a few days too, so you'll be hearing from me more often.

EV!!!!! OH MY COW YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!

*flails*

http://www.minicowsusa.com/cows/about.htm

http://www.minicowswest.com/



*falls over*

*hugs her LJ* I've missed you so much!

I so need to get a life outside my LiveJournal.

Actually, right now I'm in that situation that I often get into when I'm ill: I don't quite feel ill enough to lie down, because I won't go to sleep and then all that'll happen is that I'll be lying down and feeling ill instead of being up and about and ill. I also don't really have the energy or will to really do anything productive.

Being ill is especially hard on the morale, I find. I just feel guilty all the time because something at the back of my mind keeps telling me that I'm exaggerating, that I'm being a wuss for not getting on with things.

My father seems to think the same thing. He wanted to know whether I thought I should go back to work on Monday. He definitely seems to think I should. Maybe he's concerned I won't make enough money otherwise. But if I go into work on Monday I'll have to miss work on Tuesday because that's when I have my doctor's appointment. And the doctor at the hospital thought I should take a week or so off to get myself back together.

I feel like a fraud. My own father doesn't believe I'm really sick. ( A short self-pitying whinge about my father )

Can we tell Phnee has been brooding?

Okay, enough with the sarcasm and irony and massive amounts of negativity. I'm actually not in that foul a mood. I'm just stuck in limbo. I feel too sick to do something useful, but not sick enough to do nothing. I suppose that if I just lay down and did nothing it might be more convincing for other people to believe I feel like crap, but I haven't really been able to sit still for the past three weeks, no matter how bad or how tired I feel. I guess it must be pretty hard for people to believe that the really hyper girl on the gurney was vomiting blood at work and nearly passed out. I don't know... I wanted to tell them I felt horrible, that I was still nauseous and felt dizzy, and instead all that came out of my mouth was "I don't feel quite as bad as before."

As though those poor people could read my mind. It's like a gut-reflex: downplay how bad you're feeling, don't let them see you're weak, don't let them scent blood. Heh. Pun not intended. I guess it's a weird defense mechanism: I'm so afraid of being invalidated, of being told it's nothing (which has happened a few times before with doctors when it turned out not to be nothing) that I downplay it and thus am even more vindicated if it does turn out to be something. Pretty convoluted, huh?

I'm such a baby when I'm ill.



This blows bigger chunks than Mt. St. Helen's.