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mousmeFeeling massively triggered and edgy today, for no reason that I can determine.
*sigh*
I dunno. Everything's off today. The lights are too bright, sounds are too loud, and even having someone near me makes me jumpy and nervous. Someone tapped me on the shoulder and I hit the ceiling. I've been sitting under a bright neon light all day, and it's been glaring off my papers and keyboard relentlessly and all I want to do is scream or cry or run away or something. Anything.
It's hard to describe, and I'm not sure that other people experience them the same way. For me it's as though I were living everything hyper-intensively. Everything is brighter, louder, more vibrant, but feels somehow less real, less tangible, or less immediate. It's like I'm surrounded by a technicolour movie in which I can't partcipate.
I'm tired of talking myself down from my panic attacks. I spent almost my entire lunch hour just sitting by myself in the darkest corner I could find, trying to rationalise myself through the anxiety and the random chest pains (they're all anxiety related, fearsclave, no need to worry if you're reading this) and the thoughts going a million miles an hour and the shaking and hyperventilation.
*sigh again*
On the plus side, I hadn't had one in a few weeks, which is a really nice change from having two or three every day, which is what was happening a few months ago. Yay for being better-adjusted.
Maybe I should go take another walk...
*sigh*
I dunno. Everything's off today. The lights are too bright, sounds are too loud, and even having someone near me makes me jumpy and nervous. Someone tapped me on the shoulder and I hit the ceiling. I've been sitting under a bright neon light all day, and it's been glaring off my papers and keyboard relentlessly and all I want to do is scream or cry or run away or something. Anything.
It's hard to describe, and I'm not sure that other people experience them the same way. For me it's as though I were living everything hyper-intensively. Everything is brighter, louder, more vibrant, but feels somehow less real, less tangible, or less immediate. It's like I'm surrounded by a technicolour movie in which I can't partcipate.
I'm tired of talking myself down from my panic attacks. I spent almost my entire lunch hour just sitting by myself in the darkest corner I could find, trying to rationalise myself through the anxiety and the random chest pains (they're all anxiety related, fearsclave, no need to worry if you're reading this) and the thoughts going a million miles an hour and the shaking and hyperventilation.
*sigh again*
On the plus side, I hadn't had one in a few weeks, which is a really nice change from having two or three every day, which is what was happening a few months ago. Yay for being better-adjusted.
Maybe I should go take another walk...
