Return of The Crazy

[mousme]

Ah, off-hours at the RCMP. This was quite possibly the most surreal conversation I've had since speaking with the Queen of the Universe.

Me: "GRC-RCMP Montréal bonjour, good afternoon!"

Male Caller: "Yeah, are you guys going to come help me with my problem, or what?"

Me: "What seems to be the trouble, sir?"

MC: "I keep calling, but no one's coming to arrest these guys?"

Me: "Okay, why don't you tell me what's going on? What's the nature of your complaint?"

MC: "My landlords are growing pot in the other apartments."

Me: "I see. For that you'll have to contact your local police. I can provide you with the number and connect you, if you want."

MC: "No, they don't want to help, they're all in on it together. It's the Russian mob!"

Me: "The Russian mob."

MC: "Yeah. They're forcing the other tenants to move out, but we're not going to be intimidated!"

Me: "I see. If someone is threatening you, that's also the jurisdiction of the local police. I can connect us to them now, and we'll speak to them together."

MC: "They're not threatening us. They're using voodoo to hurt us!"

Me: o_O "Voodoo?"

MC: "Yeah! They're sending electric shocks up through the floors using voodoo!"

Me: ...

MC: "The elderly lady down the hall says she can feel them too. We thought she was nuts but it turns out she's not."

Me: *deadpan* "Well, voodoo certainly doesn't come under the RCMP's jurisdiction. For your other two problems, though, like I said, it'll be your local police."

MC: "They won't help us. We've made dozens of complaints but they say they don't have a record of any of them."

Me: "In that case, I suggest asking for your file number when you make your next complaint."

MC: "No! I want the RCMP to tell them to do their jobs!"

Me: "I'm afraid that's not within our purview. You can, however, go along official channels and make a complaint that they are not following the code of ethics, and that you would like Internal Affairs to investigate. I can provide you with that number as well."

MC: "No, they're all in it together. Why aren't you helping me?"

Me: "I am attempting to help you, sir, by giving you the available options."

MC: "If you won't help me, we're just going to go up there, break down their door, and take care of them ourselves!"

Me: "Sir, I remind you that you're on a recorded line. Uttering threats against your neighbour is a criminal offense, and this could be used as evidence should you choose to follow through on that threat."

MC: "You people are useless! I pay your goddamned salary and I still have to take matters into my own hands. You're telling me I have no choice!"

Me: "Sir, I have given you two perfectly viable options. If you choose neither of those, I can't help you further. But you do have a choice."

MC: "No I don't!" *swears colourfully at me and hangs up*


So, yeah. That was my weekend. Pot-growing, Russian mobster voodoo practitioners of DOOM.

Comments

[fearsclave.livejournal.com]

Wow. I just babysat.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

I think you got the better deal. ;)

[blackmare.livejournal.com]

I, uh ... wow.

This dude (and the pot-growing landlords) sounds very like the sort of character Nightdog would write.

In real life they're all likely to move to Florida.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

The weirdest crap happens in Florida...

[pdaughter.livejournal.com]

Sounds like something out of my neighbourhood!

The craziness you have to deal with, but then again, this does make for a good chuckle for the rest of us :p

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

*gigglefits* Oh, how I do feel your pain. (Were it not for the recorded line, I would have been tempted to say, "And what makes you think we're not in on it, too?")

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Oh, that part came up in the colourful swearing. I simplified the conversation for the sake of clarity, but he was actually talking to someone over his shoulder at the same time, and said something like "See? They're against us too!"

*headdesk*

[le-maistre-e.livejournal.com]

OK so a) I have totally missed "these are the crazy people I deal with" stories.

and b) Good to have you back. :-)

Peeps are craaaaaazy.

[phoenix-reborn.livejournal.com]

I am officially flabbergasted. Okay, not totally, because if there is one thing that a bunch of years in customer service teaches a person, it's that everyone is nutz.
Sometime in 2001:

Me: Customer service, this is Kari, how may I help you this morning?

Man: Yeah. I'm calling about my Cadillac. The girl I spoke to yesterday said I'd be getting one.

Me: I'm sorry, sir, I'm not sure you're calling the correct number. This is *Name of Company*. We offer assistance and information concerning the repairing of your credit.

Man: Yeah, I know, but the girl I spoke to said I'd be getting a Cadillac. I want it in the color I asked for.

Me: (amused, but still befuddled) Color, sir?

Man: Yeah. I sent a fax.

Me: One moment, sir, I'll see if we've received it.
(going to front, picking up stack of faxes. Bottom one has customer's name and number on it. I read it and return to my desk.)

Me: Hello, Mr.X?

Man: Yeah. You get the fax?

Me: Yes, I have it right here. It reads, " HI. WOULD LIKE CADILLAC IN SCREAMING PINK. DELIVERY EXPECTED MAY 20. SINCERELY, MR.X."
Is that correct, sir.

Man: Yep. Would like it detailed.

Me: Mr. X, I think there has been a misunderstanding. As a credit repair and information service, what we offer is a

catalogue

. A

catalogue.

With info and numbers to help you repair and maintain good credit.

Not

a Cadillac.

Man: A what now?

Me: A ca-ta-logue. A book.

Man: Damn stupid idea. *click*

Me: *Hysterical laughter.* (Pinned fax to bulletin board for a while.)

*G*
There you have it.

Love reading this journal, would like to get to know ya better. Kitty was telling me about your awesome fic last night. Can I read some too?

Kari

Re: Peeps are craaaaaazy.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

*snerk*

Cadillac.

That's awesome.

Link to fic has been sent by PM. :)

Re: Peeps are craaaaaazy.

[phoenix-reborn.livejournal.com]

Fab-u-lous.!!

[heartofawarrior.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's....*giggle* wow. Certainly gives ya cause to pause, and wonder about the state of the world. O_o

[brigidmn.livejournal.com]

Ok, after your post, and the customer post, my job seems better. I hear a lot of crazy shit. But then I work with elderly people who have pretty much lost their minds.

I heard the best reason for pulling the fire alarm a few weeks ago from one of them. "It said pull."

And a few weeks before that, we had to go all over the building because one was searching for the "horn he loaned a guy" But at least it's just dementia.

[grrscary.livejournal.com]

Bless you for not telling them to call Melange to deal with the Voodoo landlords... chances are they will anyhow, but seriously? That is my life there...

[diggerlicious.livejournal.com]

But but but but......didn't I see Harper on Youtube saying that "if you're buying drugs you're not buying from your neighbours"? Huh. he doesn't live in St. Henri. But, that being said, maybe you should escalate calls like this and send them his way. perhaps you have his direct line and can conference him in.

[whiskeygirl8.livejournal.com]

First, it's good to know that the "You won't help me the way I want you to, so I'm going to threaten to do something extreme to get you to do what I want" attitude isn't just a US thing.

Secondly, at least that guy went UP. We get people calling us all the time wanting to make complaints on the FBI. "Uh, yeah, a municipal police department is going to investigate the FEDERAL Bureau of Investigations. Riiiiight."