On explaining privilege
Mar. 11th, 2009 11:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeI keep coming back to RaceFail09. I really wish I wasn't, but it's troubling me, for obvious reasons, and not-so-obvious reasons.
I am not going to try to unpack the invisible knapsack here. I'm just thinking out loud.
Okay, so I am what the Intarwebs would consider a PWC (Privileged White Chick). So far, so good. I am also a lesbian. That makes me both a woman and homosexual. Still with me? Good.
This means that I get the dubious privilege of explaining privilege to those around me who are either not women, or not homosexual, or neither of the above. I get questions on the topic of GLBT issues all the time, especially when I start a new job/meet someone new/enter a new situation. Essentially, I spend a lot of time coming out to people, and then explaining What It All Means. Whether I like it or not, people assume that I am somehow the Official Representative of the Local GLBT Community (which is totally not the case, and I usually try to explain this right off the bat, as part of my little GLBT 101 spiel).
Clicking on a lot of links in the Epic Debate Fail Of Doom, I am coming across a plethora of posts by self-described PoCs (People of Colour), who are righteously annoyed at having to explain themselves to the PWPs (Privileged White People) who ask them for information/clarification/cluebats/etc. Some have downright been foaming at the mouth.
Okay. So I get that this is annoying/frustrating/makes you want to tear your hair out by the roots/possibly commit vehicular manslaughter after particularly stupid-seeming questions. I get it, I do. If one more person asks me if I would choose to be straight if I were given the opportunity, I may not be held responsible for my actions.
That being said, I feel that it is important for me to do this anyway, regardless of what my feelings are on the subject. Yes, it's annoying when someone proclaims that their good friend/cousin/mailmain/busboy is gay and that's totally fine with them, and it's annoying that they seem to want a pat and a cookie for it. But you know what?
They're not going to educate themselves.
It's as simple as that, really. If we, the People Lacking $Privilege, don't say: "You are mistaken in your assumption, and here's why," they are never, ever going to get it. No way, no how. I'm not suggesting that we need to deliver a three-hour multimedia presentation on the ins and outs of privilege, and spoon-feed it to them. But give them something, for crying out loud!
PWPs, myself included, are far from immune from asking really stupid questions to which we honestly don't have the answer. From my perspective, when I ask a stupid question, it's okay to look at me as though I just grew antlers (although my feelings will be hurt, I have yet to die from that particular affliction), but then I would very much like to be told why my question was stupid. It was asked in good faith, and a good faith answer would be appreciated. Even if it's an answer along the lines of: "That question isn't relevant/is stupid, and I don't have the time/energy/capacity to explain it to you in full, but some research in $Place is a good place to start."
Yes, it's tiresome. No, we shouldn't have to do it. No, each individual should not have to suddenly be the representative of $Group to which they belong. It sucks. Absolutely. Nonetheless, it's the reality of the situation, and at the very least the PWPs ought to be encouraged to move past those first tentative steps they're taking, to take the initiative and go out and educate themselves. First steps aren't enough, but if they get whacked on the head with the You-Are-Privileged-And-Therefore-Wrong-Forever Stick, then they're going to pull back into their shell and never come out again, and now it's a lost cause. First steps don't deserve a cookie, but they don't deserve a beatdown, either.
Oh, and while I can fully understand that that last paragraph is essentially an argument about tone, please rest assured that I am not trying to say "If only people had been more civil/polite/less hateful/whatever attribute you please, then this terrible misunderstanding would never have happened," because of course that's patently not true. Maybe the debate would have taken on a different form, and that form would likely have been equally filled with fail on both sides. I'm just lamenting the fact that many people (the aforementioned PWPs) are going to come away from this angry, more confused than ever, and less willing to learn.
I keep swearing I'm done with this, but then I come back and poke at it some more, so I'm no longer going to promise anything. :P
:::ETA:::
I have apparently been linked into![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rydra_wong's Linkspam of Doom thing.
So, dear New People Following The Fail To My LJ, I feel compelled to lay down a ground rule, should you want to comment.
Don't be an asshat.
This means no flaming, no personal attacks, no mudslinging, no outing people. Post in good faith, and with an open mind. Wait ten minutes before typing your responses, if you must. If you're still mad, then wait ten more minutes.
My friends (LJ and RL) are a varied bunch, with a wide range of experiences and opinions. The one thing they have in common in this LJ is respect of my space. I would ask that you also show this respect in your posts. (So far so good, btw.)
If you don't follow this one rule, I will ban you summarily, no questions asked.
I am not going to try to unpack the invisible knapsack here. I'm just thinking out loud.
Okay, so I am what the Intarwebs would consider a PWC (Privileged White Chick). So far, so good. I am also a lesbian. That makes me both a woman and homosexual. Still with me? Good.
This means that I get the dubious privilege of explaining privilege to those around me who are either not women, or not homosexual, or neither of the above. I get questions on the topic of GLBT issues all the time, especially when I start a new job/meet someone new/enter a new situation. Essentially, I spend a lot of time coming out to people, and then explaining What It All Means. Whether I like it or not, people assume that I am somehow the Official Representative of the Local GLBT Community (which is totally not the case, and I usually try to explain this right off the bat, as part of my little GLBT 101 spiel).
Clicking on a lot of links in the Epic Debate Fail Of Doom, I am coming across a plethora of posts by self-described PoCs (People of Colour), who are righteously annoyed at having to explain themselves to the PWPs (Privileged White People) who ask them for information/clarification/cluebats/etc. Some have downright been foaming at the mouth.
Okay. So I get that this is annoying/frustrating/makes you want to tear your hair out by the roots/possibly commit vehicular manslaughter after particularly stupid-seeming questions. I get it, I do. If one more person asks me if I would choose to be straight if I were given the opportunity, I may not be held responsible for my actions.
That being said, I feel that it is important for me to do this anyway, regardless of what my feelings are on the subject. Yes, it's annoying when someone proclaims that their good friend/cousin/mailmain/busboy is gay and that's totally fine with them, and it's annoying that they seem to want a pat and a cookie for it. But you know what?
They're not going to educate themselves.
It's as simple as that, really. If we, the People Lacking $Privilege, don't say: "You are mistaken in your assumption, and here's why," they are never, ever going to get it. No way, no how. I'm not suggesting that we need to deliver a three-hour multimedia presentation on the ins and outs of privilege, and spoon-feed it to them. But give them something, for crying out loud!
PWPs, myself included, are far from immune from asking really stupid questions to which we honestly don't have the answer. From my perspective, when I ask a stupid question, it's okay to look at me as though I just grew antlers (although my feelings will be hurt, I have yet to die from that particular affliction), but then I would very much like to be told why my question was stupid. It was asked in good faith, and a good faith answer would be appreciated. Even if it's an answer along the lines of: "That question isn't relevant/is stupid, and I don't have the time/energy/capacity to explain it to you in full, but some research in $Place is a good place to start."
Yes, it's tiresome. No, we shouldn't have to do it. No, each individual should not have to suddenly be the representative of $Group to which they belong. It sucks. Absolutely. Nonetheless, it's the reality of the situation, and at the very least the PWPs ought to be encouraged to move past those first tentative steps they're taking, to take the initiative and go out and educate themselves. First steps aren't enough, but if they get whacked on the head with the You-Are-Privileged-And-Therefore-Wrong-Forever Stick, then they're going to pull back into their shell and never come out again, and now it's a lost cause. First steps don't deserve a cookie, but they don't deserve a beatdown, either.
Oh, and while I can fully understand that that last paragraph is essentially an argument about tone, please rest assured that I am not trying to say "If only people had been more civil/polite/less hateful/whatever attribute you please, then this terrible misunderstanding would never have happened," because of course that's patently not true. Maybe the debate would have taken on a different form, and that form would likely have been equally filled with fail on both sides. I'm just lamenting the fact that many people (the aforementioned PWPs) are going to come away from this angry, more confused than ever, and less willing to learn.
I keep swearing I'm done with this, but then I come back and poke at it some more, so I'm no longer going to promise anything. :P
:::ETA:::
I have apparently been linked into
rydra_wong's Linkspam of Doom thing.So, dear New People Following The Fail To My LJ, I feel compelled to lay down a ground rule, should you want to comment.
Don't be an asshat.
This means no flaming, no personal attacks, no mudslinging, no outing people. Post in good faith, and with an open mind. Wait ten minutes before typing your responses, if you must. If you're still mad, then wait ten more minutes.
My friends (LJ and RL) are a varied bunch, with a wide range of experiences and opinions. The one thing they have in common in this LJ is respect of my space. I would ask that you also show this respect in your posts. (So far so good, btw.)
If you don't follow this one rule, I will ban you summarily, no questions asked.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Re: I'll be the irritable and long-winded one today.
Date: 2009-03-11 10:20 pm (UTC)Re: I'll be the irritable and long-winded one today.
Date: 2009-03-11 10:22 pm (UTC)Re: I'll be the irritable and long-winded one today.
Date: 2009-03-11 10:43 pm (UTC)This is a problem, how? You're more than "just" a woman, or a feminist, aren't you? You don't have anything else to talk about except identity politics?
Yes, or change your philosophy. The one you have doesn't seem to be helping you to find happiness.
You might try examining that assessment. If it is true then what higher criteria are you using to make that evaluation? How would we know about a supposedly better mode of interaction if our entire society is sexist?
You seem obsessed with your group identity. If you won't or can't talk about yourself as an individual how do you expect other people to react to you?
In short, I can see why you're angry. It is impossible to escape the logical consequences of our beliefs.
Re: I'll be the irritable and long-winded one today.
Date: 2009-03-11 10:52 pm (UTC)Thank you.
Re: I'll be the irritable and long-winded one today.
Date: 2009-03-12 03:14 am (UTC)If you believe what you wrote literally, how can you entertain any hope for optimism or happiness? You've already decided that, as a woman, you've been born on the predetermined losing side. The deck is permanently stacked against you. Why try?
The word "never" is pretty definitive and what's more it is an absolute. How am I supposed to take that sentence as meaning anything other than "If I can't relate to the others as 'pissed-off feminist' or at least as 'generic woman' then I can't relate to anyone else at all"? Everyone treats you in a prejudicial fashion because you happen to have two X chromosomes? I'd say that's a pretty extreme view.
Re: I'll be the irritable and long-winded one today.
Date: 2009-03-12 03:20 am (UTC)Re: I'll be the irritable and long-winded one today.
Date: 2009-03-11 11:10 pm (UTC)If someone asks you to explain white privilege and then when you do, they engage in a takedown of the concept which leads to personal attacks, rinse, repeat, how many times does it take before you're like "google it and come back."?
Re: I'll be the irritable and long-winded one today.
Date: 2009-03-11 11:10 pm (UTC)It seems that you're basically suggesting that being closeted is a viable option.
1) It's not a viable option for visible minorities.
2) It's not a viable option for anyone who wants things to get better for invisible minorities.
I am not
This also places the blame squarely on the people in the minority. "Well, if you weren't different, no one would ask you about your differences!" No. The problem is not all questions and the problem is not that some of us are overtly different from the majority. The problem that members of the majority ask questions poorly. If I closet myself, nothing gets better for me or anyone else: people without privilege don't get equal treatment or legal protections, and people with privilege don't get their heads out of their asses. However, if members of the majority ask thoughtful questions, do research, aren't rude, and listen to the answers, things get better for everyone.
How would we know about a supposedly better mode of interaction if our entire society is sexist?
I'm sure that if you were fed on bread and water once a day while half the people around you ate hearty meals three times a day, it would never occur to you that you were getting the shaft.
Re: I'll be the irritable and long-winded one today.
Date: 2009-03-12 02:55 am (UTC)Everyone ultimately makes their own way in the world. You are not imprisoned and being "fed" bread and water by some jailor. If you look at the world that way then your prison is truly inescapable, but the walls are of your own construction. I'm not denying that prejudice exists, and I am not denying that it is often an obstruction and often unfair. Nevertheless, if you define yourself and your identity in terms of membership in an "unprivileged minority" you will never focus on anything better and never have it.