On explaining privilege
Mar. 11th, 2009 11:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeI keep coming back to RaceFail09. I really wish I wasn't, but it's troubling me, for obvious reasons, and not-so-obvious reasons.
I am not going to try to unpack the invisible knapsack here. I'm just thinking out loud.
Okay, so I am what the Intarwebs would consider a PWC (Privileged White Chick). So far, so good. I am also a lesbian. That makes me both a woman and homosexual. Still with me? Good.
This means that I get the dubious privilege of explaining privilege to those around me who are either not women, or not homosexual, or neither of the above. I get questions on the topic of GLBT issues all the time, especially when I start a new job/meet someone new/enter a new situation. Essentially, I spend a lot of time coming out to people, and then explaining What It All Means. Whether I like it or not, people assume that I am somehow the Official Representative of the Local GLBT Community (which is totally not the case, and I usually try to explain this right off the bat, as part of my little GLBT 101 spiel).
Clicking on a lot of links in the Epic Debate Fail Of Doom, I am coming across a plethora of posts by self-described PoCs (People of Colour), who are righteously annoyed at having to explain themselves to the PWPs (Privileged White People) who ask them for information/clarification/cluebats/etc. Some have downright been foaming at the mouth.
Okay. So I get that this is annoying/frustrating/makes you want to tear your hair out by the roots/possibly commit vehicular manslaughter after particularly stupid-seeming questions. I get it, I do. If one more person asks me if I would choose to be straight if I were given the opportunity, I may not be held responsible for my actions.
That being said, I feel that it is important for me to do this anyway, regardless of what my feelings are on the subject. Yes, it's annoying when someone proclaims that their good friend/cousin/mailmain/busboy is gay and that's totally fine with them, and it's annoying that they seem to want a pat and a cookie for it. But you know what?
They're not going to educate themselves.
It's as simple as that, really. If we, the People Lacking $Privilege, don't say: "You are mistaken in your assumption, and here's why," they are never, ever going to get it. No way, no how. I'm not suggesting that we need to deliver a three-hour multimedia presentation on the ins and outs of privilege, and spoon-feed it to them. But give them something, for crying out loud!
PWPs, myself included, are far from immune from asking really stupid questions to which we honestly don't have the answer. From my perspective, when I ask a stupid question, it's okay to look at me as though I just grew antlers (although my feelings will be hurt, I have yet to die from that particular affliction), but then I would very much like to be told why my question was stupid. It was asked in good faith, and a good faith answer would be appreciated. Even if it's an answer along the lines of: "That question isn't relevant/is stupid, and I don't have the time/energy/capacity to explain it to you in full, but some research in $Place is a good place to start."
Yes, it's tiresome. No, we shouldn't have to do it. No, each individual should not have to suddenly be the representative of $Group to which they belong. It sucks. Absolutely. Nonetheless, it's the reality of the situation, and at the very least the PWPs ought to be encouraged to move past those first tentative steps they're taking, to take the initiative and go out and educate themselves. First steps aren't enough, but if they get whacked on the head with the You-Are-Privileged-And-Therefore-Wrong-Forever Stick, then they're going to pull back into their shell and never come out again, and now it's a lost cause. First steps don't deserve a cookie, but they don't deserve a beatdown, either.
Oh, and while I can fully understand that that last paragraph is essentially an argument about tone, please rest assured that I am not trying to say "If only people had been more civil/polite/less hateful/whatever attribute you please, then this terrible misunderstanding would never have happened," because of course that's patently not true. Maybe the debate would have taken on a different form, and that form would likely have been equally filled with fail on both sides. I'm just lamenting the fact that many people (the aforementioned PWPs) are going to come away from this angry, more confused than ever, and less willing to learn.
I keep swearing I'm done with this, but then I come back and poke at it some more, so I'm no longer going to promise anything. :P
:::ETA:::
I have apparently been linked into![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rydra_wong's Linkspam of Doom thing.
So, dear New People Following The Fail To My LJ, I feel compelled to lay down a ground rule, should you want to comment.
Don't be an asshat.
This means no flaming, no personal attacks, no mudslinging, no outing people. Post in good faith, and with an open mind. Wait ten minutes before typing your responses, if you must. If you're still mad, then wait ten more minutes.
My friends (LJ and RL) are a varied bunch, with a wide range of experiences and opinions. The one thing they have in common in this LJ is respect of my space. I would ask that you also show this respect in your posts. (So far so good, btw.)
If you don't follow this one rule, I will ban you summarily, no questions asked.
I am not going to try to unpack the invisible knapsack here. I'm just thinking out loud.
Okay, so I am what the Intarwebs would consider a PWC (Privileged White Chick). So far, so good. I am also a lesbian. That makes me both a woman and homosexual. Still with me? Good.
This means that I get the dubious privilege of explaining privilege to those around me who are either not women, or not homosexual, or neither of the above. I get questions on the topic of GLBT issues all the time, especially when I start a new job/meet someone new/enter a new situation. Essentially, I spend a lot of time coming out to people, and then explaining What It All Means. Whether I like it or not, people assume that I am somehow the Official Representative of the Local GLBT Community (which is totally not the case, and I usually try to explain this right off the bat, as part of my little GLBT 101 spiel).
Clicking on a lot of links in the Epic Debate Fail Of Doom, I am coming across a plethora of posts by self-described PoCs (People of Colour), who are righteously annoyed at having to explain themselves to the PWPs (Privileged White People) who ask them for information/clarification/cluebats/etc. Some have downright been foaming at the mouth.
Okay. So I get that this is annoying/frustrating/makes you want to tear your hair out by the roots/possibly commit vehicular manslaughter after particularly stupid-seeming questions. I get it, I do. If one more person asks me if I would choose to be straight if I were given the opportunity, I may not be held responsible for my actions.
That being said, I feel that it is important for me to do this anyway, regardless of what my feelings are on the subject. Yes, it's annoying when someone proclaims that their good friend/cousin/mailmain/busboy is gay and that's totally fine with them, and it's annoying that they seem to want a pat and a cookie for it. But you know what?
They're not going to educate themselves.
It's as simple as that, really. If we, the People Lacking $Privilege, don't say: "You are mistaken in your assumption, and here's why," they are never, ever going to get it. No way, no how. I'm not suggesting that we need to deliver a three-hour multimedia presentation on the ins and outs of privilege, and spoon-feed it to them. But give them something, for crying out loud!
PWPs, myself included, are far from immune from asking really stupid questions to which we honestly don't have the answer. From my perspective, when I ask a stupid question, it's okay to look at me as though I just grew antlers (although my feelings will be hurt, I have yet to die from that particular affliction), but then I would very much like to be told why my question was stupid. It was asked in good faith, and a good faith answer would be appreciated. Even if it's an answer along the lines of: "That question isn't relevant/is stupid, and I don't have the time/energy/capacity to explain it to you in full, but some research in $Place is a good place to start."
Yes, it's tiresome. No, we shouldn't have to do it. No, each individual should not have to suddenly be the representative of $Group to which they belong. It sucks. Absolutely. Nonetheless, it's the reality of the situation, and at the very least the PWPs ought to be encouraged to move past those first tentative steps they're taking, to take the initiative and go out and educate themselves. First steps aren't enough, but if they get whacked on the head with the You-Are-Privileged-And-Therefore-Wrong-Forever Stick, then they're going to pull back into their shell and never come out again, and now it's a lost cause. First steps don't deserve a cookie, but they don't deserve a beatdown, either.
Oh, and while I can fully understand that that last paragraph is essentially an argument about tone, please rest assured that I am not trying to say "If only people had been more civil/polite/less hateful/whatever attribute you please, then this terrible misunderstanding would never have happened," because of course that's patently not true. Maybe the debate would have taken on a different form, and that form would likely have been equally filled with fail on both sides. I'm just lamenting the fact that many people (the aforementioned PWPs) are going to come away from this angry, more confused than ever, and less willing to learn.
I keep swearing I'm done with this, but then I come back and poke at it some more, so I'm no longer going to promise anything. :P
:::ETA:::
I have apparently been linked into
rydra_wong's Linkspam of Doom thing.So, dear New People Following The Fail To My LJ, I feel compelled to lay down a ground rule, should you want to comment.
Don't be an asshat.
This means no flaming, no personal attacks, no mudslinging, no outing people. Post in good faith, and with an open mind. Wait ten minutes before typing your responses, if you must. If you're still mad, then wait ten more minutes.
My friends (LJ and RL) are a varied bunch, with a wide range of experiences and opinions. The one thing they have in common in this LJ is respect of my space. I would ask that you also show this respect in your posts. (So far so good, btw.)
If you don't follow this one rule, I will ban you summarily, no questions asked.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-03-11 05:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-11 05:21 pm (UTC)Race!Fail is beginning to intrigue me. I've been noodling this privilege notion around for a while now, and I'm beginning to think that RF might be a good opportunity to observe its behaviour in its natural habitat...
no subject
Date: 2009-03-11 05:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-11 05:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-11 05:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-11 05:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-11 06:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-11 06:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-12 10:29 am (UTC)Argumentophiliac Tendencies
Date: 2009-03-13 03:24 pm (UTC)Fears. My darlin' little brother above-the-line.
You get paid to argue.
If you're not getting paid, you shouldn't argue. Your life is too rich and too busy to make your work your hobby also.
Though it was nice of you to want to do your civic duty and all that, but...
It may be that "retreat is a privilege" but it's also a sensible tactic when one's presence would make things worse, not better. That's why I'm doing my "old [wo]man shakes fist at sky" routine in mime, from a distance, instead of up close and out loud. As I've written very briefly elsewhere, I have served multiple tours in this war and now I'm leaving it to the youngbloods except at those moments there's a skirmish right on my doorstep.
And that happens often enough. :( Anyway, I think Our Phnee's take on this is just about perfect, so I'm a big ol'
on Phnee, and also on the Xtina below.
Darn. There's a lot of good sensible people here whom I agree with, and so this is a very comfortable space for me to be in, and therefore I'm probably not holding up my end... but in the context of this year's RaceFail, I know that there are plenty of folks already taking this particular hill, so maybe doddering around quietly in the Old Vets' Home with only half an ear on the distant roar of battle is okay...
*sigh* When is enough enough? Living where I live, I can count on at least a half-dozen confrontations a year with or over people who fly the segregation flag while laboring under the delusion that it was the Confederate flag (as if that would make it better!) and that it's okay to fly it if you have a "Heritage Not Hate" bumper sticker on the vehicle parked beneath it. *headdesk*
Q: "State's rights!"
A: And exactly which right was that, eh?
*headdesk*
no subject
Date: 2009-03-11 06:26 pm (UTC)I'd rather have a good, solid discussion with some people in person about touchy subjects like these instead of being assaulted by the anonymity of the internet and the tons of people who make assumptions about you because you happen to fit a certain generalized profile, in a medium where things like tone and body language cannot be communicated to accompany the words.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-11 06:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-11 06:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-11 09:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-11 06:46 pm (UTC)Carry on.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-11 07:50 pm (UTC)