The Spirit of the Season
Dec. 13th, 2003 05:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeI knew today that there was a good reason not to bother getting out of bed. Sadly I ignored my better instincts and decided to have tea with my parents.
Big mistake.
But we all could see that coming, right?
So my father got on my case about my finances again. It doesn't matter how many times I tell him that I'm *okay* financially for the moment, he refuses to believe me. Part of me knows he means well, but he basically manages to push every single one of my buttons with one sentence.
Then he has the gall to accuse *me* of the exact thing he's pulling! Today it was the "You're making this more complicated than it has to be. I can't deal with that level of complexity, I'm too old. This should be simple."
Well, yes, it should be simple. Problem is, he doesn't believe my simple answers when I give them to him. What's more simple about this scenario? I tell him I'm all right, and he believes me.
It's when he *doesn't* believe me that things get complicated.
So of course, given that my brain chemistry is more fucked up than usual lately, I ended up having a fit at him and burst into tears. Not very productive, but in my defense I managed to hold out for twenty minutes under a constant barrage of condescension, mistrust and demeaning innuendo, not to mention guilt.
My mother convinced me to stay after that for a cup of tea, but I should have left. At least I managed to scrape together enough of my dignity to refuse the cheque for $50 that my father so *generously* wrote out for me.
I had the very uncharitable thought that if my parents weren't a part of my life that things would be a lot simpler for me. I'm SO tempted to cut them off, except it would probably be a lot like cutting off my nose to spite my face.
Then again, my father is one of the few people who can really make me feel like death is the only way out I'll ever have. He and my mother both, but him moreso.
Big mistake.
But we all could see that coming, right?
So my father got on my case about my finances again. It doesn't matter how many times I tell him that I'm *okay* financially for the moment, he refuses to believe me. Part of me knows he means well, but he basically manages to push every single one of my buttons with one sentence.
Then he has the gall to accuse *me* of the exact thing he's pulling! Today it was the "You're making this more complicated than it has to be. I can't deal with that level of complexity, I'm too old. This should be simple."
Well, yes, it should be simple. Problem is, he doesn't believe my simple answers when I give them to him. What's more simple about this scenario? I tell him I'm all right, and he believes me.
It's when he *doesn't* believe me that things get complicated.
So of course, given that my brain chemistry is more fucked up than usual lately, I ended up having a fit at him and burst into tears. Not very productive, but in my defense I managed to hold out for twenty minutes under a constant barrage of condescension, mistrust and demeaning innuendo, not to mention guilt.
My mother convinced me to stay after that for a cup of tea, but I should have left. At least I managed to scrape together enough of my dignity to refuse the cheque for $50 that my father so *generously* wrote out for me.
I had the very uncharitable thought that if my parents weren't a part of my life that things would be a lot simpler for me. I'm SO tempted to cut them off, except it would probably be a lot like cutting off my nose to spite my face.
Then again, my father is one of the few people who can really make me feel like death is the only way out I'll ever have. He and my mother both, but him moreso.
