The house buying nightmares continue.

I have my financial ducks almost in a row. Almost. And now, the ducks are scattering again.

I spoke to my mortgage/credit union guy (Wafik) on Thursday. He was very understanding while I panicked at him, and he promised that if I could get all the money transferred to my new checking account by Monday, he would personally oversee getting the transfer expedited/waiving the usual hold on funds, and ensure I get the bank draft I need to give the lawyer on Monday.

So I moved heaven and earth to get everything done, and I did. I got the last of the money transferred on Friday evening, and received the usual warnings about the time it could take to get it all done. In light of this, I decided to send Wafik an email today (originally I was going to wait until tomorrow but then I worried I'd forget or send it too late or something) as a follow-up about our conversation and to confirm that all was well. And that's how I discovered he has an out of office message saying he'll be back on Wednesday.

Notice how Wednesday is not Monday? Yeah, me too.

So I have been quietly having a panic attack at my desk all morning. I am not prone to panic attacks, but I am pretty sure the chest pain and palpitations are exactly that, because there's no other good reason for it (and it started the minute I got the out of office message, so it's not a coincidence). I am accustomed to a constant low-level buzz of anxiety, but it doesn't usually manifest in this kind of physical symptoms. I cannot say I am enjoying the experience.

There is absolutely fuck-all I can do about this situation today, because it is Sunday, and nothing is open. My deadline is tomorrow, and if Wafik is not in the office to do the thing he promised he'd do, then I am fucked six ways to next Sunday. So the only thing I can do for the next 19 hours or so is panic quietly. Tomorrow I plan to call him first thing in the morning, and if he doesn't pick up his phone, my backup plan is to call my original mortgage advisor (I don't think that's her actual title, but I don't know it so this will suffice) Peggy and very politely weep at her until she finds someone local to help me. See, Peggy, unlike Wafik, is NOT local, but lives somewhere around Barrie, ON, so it means that even if she wanted to help me, she cannot physically place a bank draft in my hands.

*rips out hair*

*internal screaming*

I honestly thought that the financial part of the nightmare was over and that I just had to deal with the sellers' shenanigans, for which my lawyer has a plan. But now the person who committed to helping me has just swanned off without even the courtesy of letting me know, so fuck me, I guess. I have already spent so much money on this move on packing supplies and on the packing help, the house is halfway packed up, and I have abandoned my plot in the community garden so that if we don't move, I can't grow vegetables this summer and all the plants I ordered are going to die. Not to mention the crushing disappointment of losing out on a dream property literally five days before we're meant to move in.

FUCK.

I'm not even going to attempt a full post today, because I am tired but mostly frustrated. Here is a list, in some semblance of order.

1- Brittany the professional organizer only stayed half a day due to not feeling well. Not a huge problem, and I'm not going to force someone to work when they're sick. It turned out to have a silver lining, too, as you will see.

2- The real estate lawyer finally contacted me, and told me my appointment to get everything signed, sealed, and delivered is tomorrow afternoon.

3- The lawyer casually informed me that I'd need a bank draft ready by tomorrow (less than 24 hours' notice). If she'd answered any of my emails last week or earlier this week I might have had a snowball's chance in hell of getting the money out of my various accounts, but as it stands, 24 is not nearly enough time.

4- I forfeited my afternoon chasing after all my bank stuff, and have only sort of managed to get it sorted. It took hours and an in-person visit to one of the branches, and I most likely still won't be able to get everything by tomorrow. It's like the lawyer who specializes in real estate has no idea how banks work.

5- I spent the remaining time on the phone with insurance companies, because my current insurer wanted to charge me nearly $800 a month for my home insurance, which is WILD. It's more than a mortgage payment! Just bonkers.

6- My mortgage person called and needs more documents signed.

7- My internet provider called to let me know that, contrary to what they told us, they do NOT service the area we're moving to, so I won't have internet service starting next Friday.

I am wiped out. I have no idea if the lawyers will accept the situation as it is, and if they don't I may end up with no house, after spending a lot of time and energy and getting emotionally invested, and I just don't know how to feel about it all right now. I am tired and frustrated and filled with anxiety because there is nothing I can do beyond what I've already done and hope for the best.

So that was today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Catch you on the flip side, friends!

I'm still exhausted. Today was the last day of working with the professional organizer. It went well and I have no regrets, but I still have a lot of work left to do to clear out and give away some of what we decluttered. The kitchen is in much better shape than before: I moved a shelving unit into the small space that serves as KK's office and leads into the living room and replaced it with a smaller shelving unit that was already in the kitchen and a small cart on wheels, so now the kitchen feels far more open, and there is in fact a bit more room to work with. The living room does look as though seven or eight tornadoes have gone through it, however, as it's full of all of the piles for donation and discarding. Oops. Oh well. Omelet, eggs, etc.

My mortgage financing is conditionally approved, although I have to jump through fourteen thousand flaming hoops to prove that the money I have in my bank account is actually mine, and there has to be a "desktop appraisal" of the property in case the amount I offered for it is higher than what the mortgage lender thinks it's worth. Uuuugh, why are finances so complicated and stressful?

I have scheduled a house inspection on Sunday morning with an inspector I haven't worked with before. My usual guy, Mike Courtemanche, was unavailable to work with me because this is the busiest time of year. The new guy comes recommended by my real estate agent as well, so I'm sure he'll be good too. 

Tomorrow I'm heading to the Alfred bird auction (although I won't get getting quail now that there's a strong possibility I'll be moving in just two months), where I shall hang out with my newish friend Val (we've been friends for about five years now) and later I shall head further out in order to spend some time with Dylan and Sarah on their farm. I have some plans to bring disinfectable footwear with me so that I don't accidentally track bird flu onto their farm just in case any of the auction birds have it, or some other horrible avian disease that will affect their poultry.

I have fallen asleep three times at my keyboard trying to finish this, so it's time to call it a night. I have to leave around 6:30 to get to the auction on time, so a full night of sleep is definitely in order.

Catch you on the flip side, friends!

 KK signed us both up for a two-day retirement planning course that's offered for free to public servants in Canada, and today was the first day. The first day is all about the math: how long you have to work to get a "full" pension and how old you have to be, and what a "full" pension actually means. Honestly, it was pretty depressing, and just confirmed my long-held suspicion that I am going to have to work until I drop dead at my desk like that employee at Wells Fargo last year who died and wasn't even missed for a couple of days and spent the weekend dead at her desk before she was discovered by cleaners on the Monday.

I'll be eligible for my "full" pension by today's normal retirement age of 65 (I might even be eligible a year earlier), but the reduction in salary compared to my current earnings, combined with what I assume will be a skyrocketing cost of living means I will likely never be able to afford to live without working. I'm not currently making enough money to pay our bills AND put aside enough money for retirement. I've put away a modest amount of savings, but they likely wouldn't see me through more than a couple of years as a "top-up" to my pension.

Of course, climate change might kills us all in the next decade, rendering this entirely moot. :P

The course was also stultifyingly dull. Your gal is not a fan of maths, and there were so many numbers. So many. The good news is that KK may get to retire and may even get to enjoy her retirement for a bit before the heat death ot the universe.

After the full day of the retirement course I barely had time to pull together a handful of ingredients to get dinner started before it was time for another meeting. A couple of months ago I was approached by someone from my union who asked if I wanted to be part of the Health and Safety Committee, and I accepted. Today was a bit of a blur because I'm pretty new to the public service and I was still trying to wrap my head around all the procedural stuff surrounding committees and motions and resolutions and the like. Still, it was quite interesting, and I'm looking forward to learning more. 

I'd forgotten I posted in January. I thought the last time was sometime last summer, and oddly it makes me feel a little better that I didn't abandon this space as long as I thought I had.

As always, a lot has happened since I last posted. Well, a lot, and also surprisingly little, when you think about it. It feels like a lot to me, but to the outside viewer I assume it looks like not much at all. It's all a matter of perception.

The big news is that I did, indeed, get the puppy I'd been planning on. Her name is Peggy, and she is the best Brittany Spaniel ever. She is exactly 12 weeks old as of today (born March 1st). Here is a picture of her under the cut:
( Peggy! )
University is still chugging along. I am averaging As overall (two A+s, one A, one A-, though that last one I am blaming squarely on the group work), and at the suggestion of one of the university staff I've applied to be allowed to switch over directly to the Masters' program earlier than I had originally intended to do. No word on that application yet, but I'm not worrying about it. Either they accept or they don't, the only thing that will really change is what degree I end up with when the dust settles. Either way I will receive the education I want and be able to go about my business. I am really, really enjoying taking this degree. That and the new puppy are the main things keeping my morale up these days, because work is a fucking shit show that shows no signs of improving. That's a rant for a different day, I think.

I kind of dropped the ball on several of my goals for this year, but I'm still trying. It's been a hell of a thing, trying to keep all my plates spinning, and right now it feels like I am surrounded by broken crockery. I had some unexpected expenses (the car required a trip to the car vet for a new exhaust system, and the actual animal vet bills cost more than anticipated), and my bank account is in the red for the first time in over four years. I'm not broke, or anything, but my available funds are, uh, negligible. With that in mind I've signed up for YNAB (You Need A Budget), which I'm still trying to wrap my head around. It's not super intuitive, but it takes a different approach to budgeting than the traditional one that I've been following, and since tradition has not served me, I figure this is worth a shot. I've been socking money away to pay for the house I want to (hopefully) purchase next year, but if I have no actual available funds to, you know, live on, then the point is moot. I am being melodramatic, of course. Things will balance out a bit over the next two months, but between the vet, the car, school bills (God, tuition is expensive!) and just existing in general, my bank account is deeply unhappy these days. *sigh*

In slightly better news, I've been slowly chipping away at making my current house more livable. I realized after I'd moved in a hurry away from Cruella de Frootloops (many thanks to blackmare for the nickname!) that I actually really don't like my current place. It's both too big and too small, in that the spaces I use the most often (the kitchen and dining room) are tiny, and everywhere else in the house is way too big. Everything in my kitchen is cramped, I have no pantry, and the cabinets are shallow and poorly designed so that things don't fit well and there is a ton of wasted space. The rest of the space is huge, which makes it a pain in the proverbial ass to clean, and a lot of it is wall to wall beige carpet. BEIGE. Who does that? Who thinks beige is a good idea for carpet? Anyway, between me, the four cats, and two dogs in succession, let's just say the carpets are, uh, not looking great. I will have to have a professional come in and shampoo them to within an inch of their lives before I leave.

So last... Monday? No, Tuesday, I spent a good chunk of the day reorganizing my entire kitchen so I could have better access to the stuff I want to use. It's still tiny and cluttered and difficult to work in, but it's so much better than it was. I actually took quite a bit of time beforehand to visualize what I wanted, and having a clearer vision in mind really helped it come together quickly and efficiently. I am quite proud of myself for that. I also sorted through a bunch of paperwork several weeks ago, but I only got about, I'd say maybe halfway through if I'm being generous, and then I stopped (it was 2 am and I forced myself to go to bed because 2 am is a poor life choice for me) and never got back to it. Partly my not getting back to it is due to having a rambunctious puppy who is not at all house trained yet (alas).

I'm hoping to be able to get back to it in the coming days. I want the room in which all those papers are piled (boxes and boxes worth!) to be emptied and made into a nice, functional space, and I need to put my bedroom and bathroom in some semblance of order. I am going back to Marie Kondo's book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I am still not a fan of the last few chapters of her book, but the overall method does seem to work, so I will overlook her chirpy claims that decluttering will help me get a "slimmer tummy" and get clearer skin so that I can look good for my boyfriend! (Blech.)

[...]

I got interrupted by work, and now I don't at all remember where I was going with this. Oops? The perils of getting older, I guess. ;)


If I manage to remember this time, I will post the rest later, perhaps tonight during my last night shift. Supposing I don't forget again.

I'm back to work tonight, after two days of gastro. I started feeling myself again yesterday afternoon, which was a relief, and today I'm pretty much back to normal. So that means heading back to work for my last two night shifts. I am not really looking forward to it, but I suspect that's the perma-anxiety that set in on Monday (after I spoke with my landlady) talking, and not much else. Maybe. I mean, if I won the lottery and never had to go back to work, that'd make me pretty happy too, but still, the malaise is not actually work-related.

I saw the mortgage broker today, and while the news wasn't bad per se, it also wasn't quite what I had hoped for. Basically, no matter which way I slice it, I am not quite ready to buy a house. The broker estimates I could probably swing it in six months, which is encouraging news, but given that most landlords want to sign a 12-month lease, it means I won't be in a position to buy until next summer. So it's back to renting for now, and socking money away until I'm in a position to move permanently into a house of my own.

I finally found a cleaning service (to honour the verbal agreement I have with my landlady), and the girl who came today is excellent, which is a relief. The service that my landlady hired charged almost twice as much as she does and didn't even bother vacuuming under the furniture. So, anyway, it will be nice to have some help around the house. I have mentioned that I am an indifferent housekeeper, so this ought to keep some of the pet hair under control, at the very least. The house is super clean, although I'd been keeping it quite clean myself (albeit not this clean). If I move close enough, I'm hoping I can take her with me. I'll figure out the budget part somehow. Back in Montreal when I was paying half of what I do now in rent (so before I got my own house), I had a cleaning service as well, and I'd forgotten how much easier it makes things overall.

My next steps over the following weeks will be to hopefully get into the shed, now that there's less snow, pull out my boxes, and start packing. I also need to sort out my "office" and the very large bedroom closet that's sort of become a catch-all for stuff. If people are going to be coming by to look at the place, then the hidden spots need to be just as tidy as the not-hidden spots. I know that when I look at places I poke into all the cupboards and closets, so I can expect other people to do that too.

I'm waiting to hear back from my paralegal. She's been in touch with my landlady's lawyer, who appears to be entirely out of the loop concerning her intentions. So once she hears back from the lawyer, she will get in touch with me and update me on things. I'm trying to hope for the best, but given how passive-aggressive and bitchy she was with me on Monday, I am bracing for the worst.

I don't have anything as exciting as the opera to report about today.

( In which I talk about people not liking what I like. )

Aside from having people actively rain on my parade, I received some promising news at work yesterday. It turns out that another section wants me to come work overtime for them at least once a month. This will put a bit of a crimp in my schedule, but it will pretty much solve many of our financial problems, because a full twelve hour shift at double time is a significant amount of money. It's practically the same amount of money as if I picked up a part-time minimum wage job for 3-4 shifts a week. So at this point I'll just have to take the extra commute/travel time in the name of financial solvency. It's not a done deal yet, I'll only be hearing back for sure on Friday, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I'm also excited at the prospect of doing actual dispatch work again. I like my current job, but it's very technical and very text-based, and I don't get to talk to people very much anymore. It'll be nice to have a headset again and to work with my old dispatching software and deal with more immediate security concerns rather than worry about what level of classification my transmissions need. :)

Tonight I am going out with the lovel sultrysong. Plans are a little up in the air for now, but I'm hopeful that drinks might be involved.

We've been having trouble with the dog, as I mentioned before. Last week he stole a sealed Ziplock bag of fifteen muffins off the counter and ate them all, did the same with half a box of Tim Horton's doughnuts, and has been sneaking the cat food when he thinks we're not looking. He's gained about five pounds over the winter, too, which is really bad for his arthritis. It was getting to the point where I would get home and the first thing I'd hear about was the myriad ways in which the dog had misbehaved during my absence.

When I got home on Friday, he was limping noticeably, favouring his right front leg. He's injured this leg a few times in the past, but hadn't done anything to it recently, so I figured his arthritis might be getting worse. I dutifully took an appointment with the vet for yesterday, since I don't want my dog to be in pain. Before the arthritis had manifested as stiffness, so we were managing it with diet and exercise, but if it's more than that we need to look at pain management. I also figured I would address the new "behavioural" problem in case it was a medical problem, as ai731 suggested. It hand't occurred to me before, but it made sense.

So, nearly two hours at the vet's later, there were x-rays and blood tests and thermometers jammed in unfortunate places. Sergent was not a happy camper. We need to wait for the blood tests to come back, but the vet suspects either a thyroid problem or maybe diabetes. The x-rays did't reveal any worsening of the arthritis, though, which is a good thing in all of this mess.

Of course, the vet visit cleaned me out of the last few "spare" dollars I had. I had managed to clear a bit of space on my credit card, but that's now gone, and I am a little worried about what the beginning of next month is going to look like. *sigh* If the dog has diabetes, we're looking at a crapton of expensive medication that I will somehow have to find a way to pay for out of my already non-existent money. I am really hoping he doesn't have any kind of terrible long-term illness, because I don't want him to be sick and I also don't want to have to figure out how to pay for the new medication.

Oy.

Anyway, today is a commute day. This week I'm coming back for Bean's birthday and then going back again. I'm happy to be able to be at his party but also a little concerned about where the money for the extra gas I need to use is going to come from. Isn't worrying about finances awesome?

Okay. So. Now that I have watched the Teen Wolf finale and I am not chewing off my own fingers in frustration at the show, I need to pack up my things and go.

I don't have specific subject matter for today's post, so have a series of unrelated paragraphs!

1- Bean is still sick. It's been six straight days of staying home with Mama now, and I think they're both going a little stir-crazy. I'm told that the doctor can't see him until tomorrow, which means a whole week of being kept home from school, and of pdaughter not being able to go to school herself as well. At this point it has to be something like an ear infection, which Bean seems to be unable to shake on his own, so hopefully antibiotics will clear that right up. Luckily, Bean is incredibly good about taking his "ear intekshun tedditzin" and so we never have to fight him on that. Small mercies.

2- I have the dentist today. Again. In spite of my insurance I'm sort of running out of money for this. I think that after this the rest of the dental work will have to wait for a while. There's even less money than usual this month. I'm always stressed about money, but when there's less than half the money that I expected coming in, it puts a serious dent in the budget. We're fine for now, but next month's daycare payment is beginning to worry me.

3- I really hope these next two days turn out better than the weekend. I blame the Olympics for how badly shit has hit the fan. Normally nights and weekends are pretty quiet, but I've been putting out fires since Friday, and I am exhausted. It's been a long string of problems that I don't know how to solve, so I've been run off my feet the whole time, and yesterday I left an hour late. 13-hour days are not my favourite thing, let me tell you.

4- My body clock helpfully woke me up at 3:40 this morning. "Time to get up to go to work!" it said gleefully. Of course, today is a night shift. I went back to sleep, but woke every couple of hours until I resigned myself to the inevitable and got out of bed. The morning has been quiet, at least, before I head out to the dentist, but I have a headache building which Advil and Tylenol aren't doing much to shift. I hope it goes away sooner rather than later.

5- There is no spoon. Or a number 5. Sorry. If I think of something else, I'll post again. Might go back to my old ways of multiple LJ posts a day. Shock! Horror! Actually, probably not. I have Twitter now for random thoughts. ;)

How is the time going by so quickly? I swear, it feels like it was Christmas yesterday.

Because I'd been sent on training courses the past two weeks, it's actually been a while since I worked a full night shift, and so it's sort of kicking my ass this time around. It's a little frightening how quickly I readjust to a daytime schedule. I am not a night owl, never have been. I enjoy going to bed by 22:00 (23:00 at the latest) and getting up around 07:00. That's what my body does naturally, after a few weeks of time off. I don't need an alarm, that's the way my circadian rhythms roll. Of course, this almost never happens, because I rarely have time off, and when I do it's not long enough for my body to reset completely, so unless I set an alarm (or Bean wakes me, or whatever), then I can easily sleep in way past 07:00.

I got a bit of writing done last night, which was nice. It wasn't on any of my current projects, but it was nice to at least get some fiction down on the screen. Perhaps tonight, if work remains quiet, I'll actually manage to work on one of my big projects for the year. It'd be nice to produce something I can get paid for at some point. This month, due to money that we're expecting not coming in for a while yet, things are very very tight. Tight to the point of making me worry if I'll have enough money for gas to get back to Montreal on Monday.

I tried doing the 2nd job thing last year, but as it turns out my memory of hating everything about translating was completely accurate. Much like the last time I did it for a living, it ratcheted up my anxiety to near-unbearable levels. So, that's out. I'm at a loss of what I can do to earn extra income (aside from writing, because while I know it CAN be a source of income, I'm a long ways away from getting anything published. I'd have to finish one of my projects, for one thing), because translation is essentially my one other marketable skill. I do know how to edit & proofread, but I have no formal training and no background to speak of (beta-ing fanfiction doesn't count, pretty sure).

If I worked a different kind of job, I could take on part-time work somewhere. Working a retail/service job would be fine, for what I need. The problem is that my schedule simply won't allow for that. I'd never be able to give my second boss a clear idea of when I'd be available. Also, I'd never be reliably free on nights or weekends, which is when a lot of part-time jobs want people to work. Argh.

Right, moving on.

In unrelated but hilarious news, J. K. Rowling, who refuses to shut up and let her art be art, has come on record as saying she now regrets putting Hermione and Ron together, stating that she did it for personal reasons at the time, but that now "distance has given [her] perspective," and she thinks they're terrible for each other. The internet has re-exploded back into Harry/Hermione vs Ron/Hermione ship wars, seven years later, and mostly I think someone should shove Rowling into a cupboard until she can learn to hold her tongue. I say this with love, and as someone who never had a pony in this particular race. My own love for Harry Potter fell very much in the gen. category, and while the Harry/Ginny thing felt forced, I never much cared one way or another.

A Twitter friend suggested taking Harry Potter away from her now, like taking a drunk's car keys away before they hurt themselves.

"I'm not done."

"We think you've had enough."

"But the relationship between--"

"No. C'mon, let's go let's get you home. You'll feel better in the morning."

"I SHOULD'VE DONE IT DIFFERENTLY!"

"Shh, it's okay, just a few more stairs."

*J.K. Rowling throws up more opinions on the carpet before being put to bed*