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Open letter
Dec. 21st, 2008 05:15 pmDear Boss!Man,
I do feel for you when you say you're tired. We all are, because it's been a rough few months. However, I'd like to point out that you do get most of your weekends off (except when you choose to come in for a few hours on a Saturday, for which you get paid double time), and your shift is from 07:00 to 15:00, Monday to Friday, with no exceptions. You may not get constant vacation time, but you work 40 hour weeks like most regular folk.
Keeping all this in mind it might not be politic to tell the person who's been working for 22 days straight, most of it night shift, a lot of it OT, and a lot of it 12-hour shifts, how many "sleeps" you have left until your 10-day vacation in the south, on a beach. Especially when that person's Christmas vacation got canceled for said OT. Especially when that person has had all their vacation canceled until the end of February, at the very earliest.
See, if you brag about your 10-day vacation on a beach in the sun, the aforementioned person may well feel very tempted to strangle you with your own intestines. We'll do the OT and not complain (much), but it would be nice if you didn't rub our noses in it.
No love,
Me
I do feel for you when you say you're tired. We all are, because it's been a rough few months. However, I'd like to point out that you do get most of your weekends off (except when you choose to come in for a few hours on a Saturday, for which you get paid double time), and your shift is from 07:00 to 15:00, Monday to Friday, with no exceptions. You may not get constant vacation time, but you work 40 hour weeks like most regular folk.
Keeping all this in mind it might not be politic to tell the person who's been working for 22 days straight, most of it night shift, a lot of it OT, and a lot of it 12-hour shifts, how many "sleeps" you have left until your 10-day vacation in the south, on a beach. Especially when that person's Christmas vacation got canceled for said OT. Especially when that person has had all their vacation canceled until the end of February, at the very earliest.
See, if you brag about your 10-day vacation on a beach in the sun, the aforementioned person may well feel very tempted to strangle you with your own intestines. We'll do the OT and not complain (much), but it would be nice if you didn't rub our noses in it.
No love,
Me
Stress? What stress?
Dec. 13th, 2008 03:14 pmDear Body,
I know I'm stressed. I promise I will be significantly less stressed in a few hours' time. Could you please knock it off with making me feel sick? It's not actually helping me: if it's a warning from you, then thank you, warning received. You may quit it any time now. No, really. Even right now, if you think you can manage it.
Love,
Me
I know I'm stressed. I promise I will be significantly less stressed in a few hours' time. Could you please knock it off with making me feel sick? It's not actually helping me: if it's a warning from you, then thank you, warning received. You may quit it any time now. No, really. Even right now, if you think you can manage it.
Love,
Me
Dear Mr. Harper,
You and I have never agreed on politics. I am way too far to the left of the political spectrum to ever see eye to eye with you on anything, except perhaps to agree that the CFRO is a ridiculous waste of time and taxpayers' money. Everything else, well, if you and I ever actually spoke, we'd have to agree to disagree.
In spite of our political differences, I've always thought you were a pretty canny politician. You've come a long way, and polished your image and improved your French by leaps and bounds, and for that you have, erm, something akin to my respect. At least, credit where credit is due.
That being said... this latest stunt? Not only is it stupid, it is criminally negligent. I must needs believe that you checked all your brainpower and wisdom at the door when you obtained your latest minority government, because instead of focussing on the crisis at hand, you went and spat in the eye of the opposition parties with a hair-brained scheme to try to weaken them because you thought they would never grow enough of a pair to oppose you on this.
Guess what? You were wrong. Not only were you wrong, but you may very well have scuttled this country for the next few years with your irresponsible power-mongering. I am amazed at how badly you underestimated your opponents. I am amazed that, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary, you are still claiming that we are only going to have a "mild" recession (after trumpeting all through the election that we were "safe" and weren't going to have a recession at all, let me remind you!). Your actions are nothing short of jaw-droppingly stupid.
You have lost the confidence of the House, Mr. Prime Minister. The country never had all that much confidence in you to begin with (see: minority government), and now we're stuck with Dion and Layton having to dance with the devil for the next eighteen months. You are going to go down in ignominy as the man who tanked Canada when he should have been leading, and you are going to lose the leadership of this country in a way that will make Kim Campbell's defeat look dignified.
I hope you're proud of your legacy.
No love,
Me
( The rest of it, in non open-letter format )
You and I have never agreed on politics. I am way too far to the left of the political spectrum to ever see eye to eye with you on anything, except perhaps to agree that the CFRO is a ridiculous waste of time and taxpayers' money. Everything else, well, if you and I ever actually spoke, we'd have to agree to disagree.
In spite of our political differences, I've always thought you were a pretty canny politician. You've come a long way, and polished your image and improved your French by leaps and bounds, and for that you have, erm, something akin to my respect. At least, credit where credit is due.
That being said... this latest stunt? Not only is it stupid, it is criminally negligent. I must needs believe that you checked all your brainpower and wisdom at the door when you obtained your latest minority government, because instead of focussing on the crisis at hand, you went and spat in the eye of the opposition parties with a hair-brained scheme to try to weaken them because you thought they would never grow enough of a pair to oppose you on this.
Guess what? You were wrong. Not only were you wrong, but you may very well have scuttled this country for the next few years with your irresponsible power-mongering. I am amazed at how badly you underestimated your opponents. I am amazed that, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary, you are still claiming that we are only going to have a "mild" recession (after trumpeting all through the election that we were "safe" and weren't going to have a recession at all, let me remind you!). Your actions are nothing short of jaw-droppingly stupid.
You have lost the confidence of the House, Mr. Prime Minister. The country never had all that much confidence in you to begin with (see: minority government), and now we're stuck with Dion and Layton having to dance with the devil for the next eighteen months. You are going to go down in ignominy as the man who tanked Canada when he should have been leading, and you are going to lose the leadership of this country in a way that will make Kim Campbell's defeat look dignified.
I hope you're proud of your legacy.
No love,
Me
( The rest of it, in non open-letter format )
Dear Psycho!Blonde,
Stop complaining. No, really. No fewer than four people have changed their schedules around to accommodate your desire to be with your family at Christmas. We all sympathize with you because your grandfather is ill, but you got what you wanted, so quit whining about how the supervisors screwed you over for Christmas.
No, I'm serious. You need to stop now. Do you know how many people are working at Christmas? Six. Do you know how many people we are in the OCC? Eleven. That's fully HALF the staff who are working. So we are all equally screwed.
Please to stop bitching now before I (who am one of the four people who switched my schedule around for you) rip you a new one.
No love,
Me.
Stop complaining. No, really. No fewer than four people have changed their schedules around to accommodate your desire to be with your family at Christmas. We all sympathize with you because your grandfather is ill, but you got what you wanted, so quit whining about how the supervisors screwed you over for Christmas.
No, I'm serious. You need to stop now. Do you know how many people are working at Christmas? Six. Do you know how many people we are in the OCC? Eleven. That's fully HALF the staff who are working. So we are all equally screwed.
Please to stop bitching now before I (who am one of the four people who switched my schedule around for you) rip you a new one.
No love,
Me.
Dear Universe
Nov. 13th, 2008 09:47 amI haven't done an Open Letter in a while. This one is a bit different, though.
Dear Universe,
Thank you so much for the life I have.
Thank you for my parents, who are both in good health and love me to bits and try very very hard to be supportive of me no matter what our differences.
Thank you for my friends and fremily, who are wonderful and supportive and creative and generous and whom I count myself privileged to know.
Thank you for my girlfriend, whom I don't know especially well yet, but who is pretty and funny and lovely and passionate about her work and cares so much about the kids she teaches. My life is the richer for having her in it.
Thank you for my job, which not only keeps me secure but allows me to directly help people in need. Thank you for giving me coworkers with whom I get along well, and with whom it is generally a pleasure to work.
Thank you for giving me a roof over my head which I love, and for giving me the time and opportunity to turn it into a home where I may welcome my friends, family, and fremily.
Thank you for keeping me healthy, and happy.
Thank you for all the opportunities for growth that you give me. Thank you for having others touch my life in unexpected ways, and for allowing me to touch other people's lives every so often, and to make a difference there, when I can.
Thank you for everything.
Love,
Me
Dear Universe,
Thank you so much for the life I have.
Thank you for my parents, who are both in good health and love me to bits and try very very hard to be supportive of me no matter what our differences.
Thank you for my friends and fremily, who are wonderful and supportive and creative and generous and whom I count myself privileged to know.
Thank you for my girlfriend, whom I don't know especially well yet, but who is pretty and funny and lovely and passionate about her work and cares so much about the kids she teaches. My life is the richer for having her in it.
Thank you for my job, which not only keeps me secure but allows me to directly help people in need. Thank you for giving me coworkers with whom I get along well, and with whom it is generally a pleasure to work.
Thank you for giving me a roof over my head which I love, and for giving me the time and opportunity to turn it into a home where I may welcome my friends, family, and fremily.
Thank you for keeping me healthy, and happy.
Thank you for all the opportunities for growth that you give me. Thank you for having others touch my life in unexpected ways, and for allowing me to touch other people's lives every so often, and to make a difference there, when I can.
Thank you for everything.
Love,
Me
Another open letter
Oct. 6th, 2008 11:50 pmDear Universe,
How about you cut my friends some slack? Seriously. You know the ones I'm talking about.
Do a girl a favour, wouldja? Quit with the destruction-testing, already.
Love,
Me
How about you cut my friends some slack? Seriously. You know the ones I'm talking about.
Do a girl a favour, wouldja? Quit with the destruction-testing, already.
Love,
Me
A new open letter
Oct. 3rd, 2008 11:09 amDear Office Extrovert,
Please to not be invading my personal space this early in the morning. Or at all, really. Also, the next time you tap me on the shoulder to get my attention when the office is almost completely silent and a quiet word would suffice, I swear by all that is good and holy that you will lose your arm at the shoulder.
No love,
Me
...
Anyway, it appears that Cranky Cat is cranky today. I blame the debates and the lack of adequate sleep. Also, I probably won't be seeing BorderCrossing this weekend, which is good for getting things done and not so good because, well, I won't get to see her.
Bah.
Please to not be invading my personal space this early in the morning. Or at all, really. Also, the next time you tap me on the shoulder to get my attention when the office is almost completely silent and a quiet word would suffice, I swear by all that is good and holy that you will lose your arm at the shoulder.
No love,
Me
...
Anyway, it appears that Cranky Cat is cranky today. I blame the debates and the lack of adequate sleep. Also, I probably won't be seeing BorderCrossing this weekend, which is good for getting things done and not so good because, well, I won't get to see her.
Bah.
I KILL YOU NO MERCY!
Aug. 6th, 2008 02:54 pmDear Officer,
If you think you can do my job better than I can, by all means come and sit in my place for a day. If you can successfully field all the phone calls, the radio calls, the CIPC checks, the CRPQ checks, the alarms, the transfers, the paperwork for arrest warrants and for vehicle sanctions, and the requests from the general public, then I will consider maybe allowing you to question my competence.
As it is, I am trained to interpret the readouts, and when I tell you that someone's license is suspended, I will fucking thank you to take my word for it.
No love,
Me
If you think you can do my job better than I can, by all means come and sit in my place for a day. If you can successfully field all the phone calls, the radio calls, the CIPC checks, the CRPQ checks, the alarms, the transfers, the paperwork for arrest warrants and for vehicle sanctions, and the requests from the general public, then I will consider maybe allowing you to question my competence.
As it is, I am trained to interpret the readouts, and when I tell you that someone's license is suspended, I will fucking thank you to take my word for it.
No love,
Me
Letter to self
Jul. 15th, 2008 11:07 amDear Self,
In order to get stuff accomplished before going to work, it's important to both get up early and to get moving. If you fail to do either of these things, or possibly both, then it follows that nothing will get accomplished.
Yeesh.
Love,
Me
In order to get stuff accomplished before going to work, it's important to both get up early and to get moving. If you fail to do either of these things, or possibly both, then it follows that nothing will get accomplished.
Yeesh.
Love,
Me
That is *so* forty years ago...
May. 27th, 2008 10:28 pmDear FLQ,
Please to join the rest of us in the 21st century. :P
No love,
Me
Please to join the rest of us in the 21st century. :P
No love,
Me
*cough* *hack*
May. 17th, 2008 09:53 pmDear lungs,
In or out? Please make up your minds and have done with it already.
No love,
Me
In or out? Please make up your minds and have done with it already.
No love,
Me
I was going to post this yesterday...
Apr. 14th, 2008 11:49 amDear Friends,
I love you all dearly. Truly, I do. I have one small request, however:
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S GOOD AND HOLY, STOP TAUNTING THE WEATHER GODS!
Y'all know who you are.
Love,
Me
It's hard being a Muggle when most of your friends can do weird sh*t like move thunderstorms around and summon blizzards...
I love you all dearly. Truly, I do. I have one small request, however:
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S GOOD AND HOLY, STOP TAUNTING THE WEATHER GODS!
Y'all know who you are.
Love,
Me
It's hard being a Muggle when most of your friends can do weird sh*t like move thunderstorms around and summon blizzards...
Okay, enough
Mar. 5th, 2008 07:53 amDear Winter,
It's been awesome. No, really, I mean it. In spite of the fact that I have not ONCE been able to take advantage of the snow and go snowshoeing, I did enjoy my year.
However, all good things must come to an end, and I think you ought to quit while you're ahead. No, seriously. You've already dumped a record snowfall on our heads, and the official start of spring isn't for another few weeks. So, congratulations, you're above quota! Why don't you take an early vacation this year? You deserve the rest.
Love,
Me.
It's been awesome. No, really, I mean it. In spite of the fact that I have not ONCE been able to take advantage of the snow and go snowshoeing, I did enjoy my year.
However, all good things must come to an end, and I think you ought to quit while you're ahead. No, seriously. You've already dumped a record snowfall on our heads, and the official start of spring isn't for another few weeks. So, congratulations, you're above quota! Why don't you take an early vacation this year? You deserve the rest.
Love,
Me.
That does it!
Jan. 28th, 2008 03:50 pmDear CD/Cassette Player,
You have been a faithful companion for these many years. I understand that you were not exceptional when I got you, and that I cobbled you together from two different machines, and that as a result you have never played CDs all that well.
That being said, I think it's time for us to part company. Not only do you skip and shut down every time one of the cats moves in the place and whenever I walk by, now you refuse to "read" half of my CDs (including my favourite Dire Straights CD), you eat all my tapes by stretching the ribbon beyond repair, and you have taken to skipping during songs randomly even when the CD is not visibly damaged. This is unacceptable.
You have been a steadfast but not especially reliable companion. I thank you for your many years of service, and I hope that, wherever you find yourself next, you will be rewarded accordingly.
Love,
Me
P.S. Does anyone know where I might get rid of my old CD player? I don't want to toss it out, as I'm sure the speakers are still good, and the rest can probably mostly be stripped for parts or something. I'm going to be getting rid of it probably next month, as this month has been an expensive one for various reasons, and get a new one then.
You have been a faithful companion for these many years. I understand that you were not exceptional when I got you, and that I cobbled you together from two different machines, and that as a result you have never played CDs all that well.
That being said, I think it's time for us to part company. Not only do you skip and shut down every time one of the cats moves in the place and whenever I walk by, now you refuse to "read" half of my CDs (including my favourite Dire Straights CD), you eat all my tapes by stretching the ribbon beyond repair, and you have taken to skipping during songs randomly even when the CD is not visibly damaged. This is unacceptable.
You have been a steadfast but not especially reliable companion. I thank you for your many years of service, and I hope that, wherever you find yourself next, you will be rewarded accordingly.
Love,
Me
P.S. Does anyone know where I might get rid of my old CD player? I don't want to toss it out, as I'm sure the speakers are still good, and the rest can probably mostly be stripped for parts or something. I'm going to be getting rid of it probably next month, as this month has been an expensive one for various reasons, and get a new one then.
A new open letter
Nov. 8th, 2007 03:49 pmDear Makers of Advil Cold & Sinus,
I appreciate your product. Believe me, I do. However, given the effect that a sinus cold has on my brain and cognitive functions, never mind my manual dexterity, why for the love of GOD would you put a child-proof cap on the bottle? COME ON! That's tantamount to putting a Phnee-proof cap on it, and is patently unfair! Cruel and unusual punishment. There isn't even a child-proof cap on your extra-strength Advil, or the liquigels, or any other product of yours that I've ever used. What gives?
No love,
Me
I appreciate your product. Believe me, I do. However, given the effect that a sinus cold has on my brain and cognitive functions, never mind my manual dexterity, why for the love of GOD would you put a child-proof cap on the bottle? COME ON! That's tantamount to putting a Phnee-proof cap on it, and is patently unfair! Cruel and unusual punishment. There isn't even a child-proof cap on your extra-strength Advil, or the liquigels, or any other product of yours that I've ever used. What gives?
No love,
Me
Open letters do have their uses
Sep. 19th, 2007 12:17 amDear Migraine Fairy,
I understand that you like repeat customers. They mean good business. I understand that I'm one of your best clients, too. However, three migraines in ten days is a little much. Especially since you left me alone for so long. I can only conclude that you're making up for lost time. So, with all due respect, could you spread the lovin' out a little? Seriously, I don't mind the migraines (much), so long as they don't come every three days and last two days each.
No love,
Me
I understand that you like repeat customers. They mean good business. I understand that I'm one of your best clients, too. However, three migraines in ten days is a little much. Especially since you left me alone for so long. I can only conclude that you're making up for lost time. So, with all due respect, could you spread the lovin' out a little? Seriously, I don't mind the migraines (much), so long as they don't come every three days and last two days each.
No love,
Me
Open letter
Sep. 12th, 2007 03:33 pmDear Dwarves Operating a Jackhammer in my Head,
Please stop. Right now.
No love,
Me
Please stop. Right now.
No love,
Me
