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mousmeOkay, yeah, so I'm procrastinating. Procrastinating a lot, in fact, on sending out this fax to register for the dispatcher course.
Partly it's because I'm not sure I have the money. But that's not really what's stopping me.
Mostly it's sheer, unadulterated terror. I have a job. An unstable, boring, repetitive, and unrewarding job, but a job. One I know I can do. I have no such certainties about dispatching. Part of me is convinced this is too good to be true. How could I possibly ever learn to do emergency dispatch during two courses that last two weekends each? It seems unrealistic.
The rational bit of my brain is pointing out that, even if four weekends isn't enough, it'll still be a start. The irrational bit of my brain is running around in circles, alternately flapping its arms and wringing its hands.
If I put this off long enough, there won't be any room left to register. I have to pull out my credentials (these people insist that I prove I finished high school, imagine that!) and fax those along with my registration form. Ironically enough, I don't have my high school diploma anymore. No idea where it went. I do have my diploma from McGill, though, so that should do just as well, hopefully. I mean, if I went to university, it follows that I finished high school, right?
I think my McGill diploma is in a box at my parents' place. So that means going there and trying to dig it out of wherever it's stored. Meep.
There is no really good reason for me not to do any of this. Finding the diploma wouldn't take that long. Sending the fax would take even less time. Gah.
Of course, that would make it real.
...
Am I allowed to go hide in a corner until this all goes away?
...
I thought not.
Partly it's because I'm not sure I have the money. But that's not really what's stopping me.
Mostly it's sheer, unadulterated terror. I have a job. An unstable, boring, repetitive, and unrewarding job, but a job. One I know I can do. I have no such certainties about dispatching. Part of me is convinced this is too good to be true. How could I possibly ever learn to do emergency dispatch during two courses that last two weekends each? It seems unrealistic.
The rational bit of my brain is pointing out that, even if four weekends isn't enough, it'll still be a start. The irrational bit of my brain is running around in circles, alternately flapping its arms and wringing its hands.
If I put this off long enough, there won't be any room left to register. I have to pull out my credentials (these people insist that I prove I finished high school, imagine that!) and fax those along with my registration form. Ironically enough, I don't have my high school diploma anymore. No idea where it went. I do have my diploma from McGill, though, so that should do just as well, hopefully. I mean, if I went to university, it follows that I finished high school, right?
I think my McGill diploma is in a box at my parents' place. So that means going there and trying to dig it out of wherever it's stored. Meep.
There is no really good reason for me not to do any of this. Finding the diploma wouldn't take that long. Sending the fax would take even less time. Gah.
Of course, that would make it real.
...
Am I allowed to go hide in a corner until this all goes away?
...
I thought not.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 05:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:No Wibble zone.
Date: 2006-01-19 05:15 pm (UTC)You can do this.
HRH.
Re: No Wibble zone.
From:GO GO GO!
Date: 2006-01-19 05:32 pm (UTC)Re: GO GO GO!
From:Re: GO GO GO!
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From:Volunteering
From:Re: Volunteering
From:no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 05:51 pm (UTC)I hate major change. I hate moving, I hate changing jobs. Those are the big ones. New things like that scare me (which is funny when you think about how many new, big things I did in the last year.) The thought of change will stop me in my tracks and stagnate me.
Never mind that I've been successful at most of the new things I've tried. Never mind that I regret terribly never trying the police officer thing--out of fear--so now I will never know if I would have been successful at that. It still does it to me.
I can't really even say how I've got past my fear and actually tried the new things. I just do it. And, I'm always happy I did. But, before I did, oh, the fear and immovability!
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
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From:no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 06:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 07:02 pm (UTC)Now. Get going. Go register. You DON'T want to spend the next 10 years dealing with that manager, do you? And once you've registered, I'll be back from my mom's (sadly, I'm leaving in the morning) and I'll take you out for bubble tea, like we've been talking about for the past few weeks, in celebration. :P
no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 07:20 pm (UTC)And the dispatcher course is only for 2 weekends.
So what's stopping you other than the abject terror of the whole thing? *wry*
I will admit to being scared out of my wits when I quit in 2002 to go back to school full time on nothing but student loans. But I did it, and feel better for it, even though I'm not in engineering right now.
There *IS* a job out there for me, though. All I have to do is find it.
As for you... Go. now.
*HUGS*
C.