"I babble when I'm nervous."

[mousme]

:::sparked by a comment I made to luvenditti:::

Ever have a problem shutting up?

I don't mean when you're talking at length and intelligently on a topic that may or may not interest your listeners. That happens to most people at any given time. All the other person can do at that point is roll their eyes (inwardly, anyway) and wait for you to finish if they don't give a rat's ass about your topic.

I'm talking about the kind of non-stop babbling that makes your listeners wonder what the fuck you've been smoking. The kind of situation in which you can hear yourself talking and cringe at what's coming out of your mouth, and yet instead of sensibly shutting your mouth and salvaging what's left of the situation, you keep talking, and there's nothing you can do about it.

There's nothing quite as awful as sitting there and listening to your mouth continue to talk, and all you can think is: "Oh God, oh God, shut up. Please shut up. Stop talking. Can you hear yourself? Stop. Stop now. Stop while you still have some shreds of dignity left. You can still salvage this if you stop talking. Shut up. Please please please shut up. Oh God, I can't believe you just said that. For the love of all that's good and holy, shut UP!"

This happens to me all the freaking time. I also happen to have a freakishly good memory, and that means I can remember all the hideously embarassing things that have come out of my mouth in the past twenty-three years or so that have passed since I learned to form complete sentences and interact with others.

I think part of it has to do with the fact that I didn't talk much until I was in my late teens and early twenties, and thus never really learned how to censor what comes out of my mouth. It was either be silent or else talk the other person's ear off. No middle ground.

It can't be only that, though. I know a few people who have the same problem, and they certainly weren't wallflowers when they were in high school. So I have no real explanation for what it might be.

The net result, though, is that I've spent most of my life with the uncomfortable feeling that most people view me as a complete nitwit with no self-control whatsoever. Or at the very least a little weird and creepy.

It's like they say: You can dress her up, but you can't take her out.

Comments

[luvenditti.livejournal.com]

speaking as the instigator ... yup.