I give up.
Nov. 18th, 2005 08:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeIsn't hubris a great word?
The computer is dead. I'm going to see how much it'll cost to get fixed this weekend, *if* it can be fixed.
I didn't get my texts backed up in time before it died. So all 36,700 words of my novel are as good as gone, as are all 52,000 words of my serial, and everything else I had on the computer. Poof.
I'm taking this as a sign. I'm obviously not meant to write. I'm obviously not meant to have anything that gives me pleasure or a sense of accomplishment. So, I give up.
I wish this had happened before I bought the materials for a new writing project, but whatever. Chalk it up to experience and move on. I can always give the stuff to someone who needs it.
To the people of Bluebook: I'll try to honour my committments from work, but as you know that's unreliable. I may have to retire all my characters except for Bradshaw, since I probably won't have time to write more than one character. I'd retire from the game entirely, but CS1 has had enough problems with their COs that I don't want to leave you guys in the lurch again.
I'm sorry if I'm disappointing anyone else. That's just the way things go, I guess. I forgot for a while there that I'm not allowed to make Plans.
I'm just supposed to plod along steadily in one dead-end job after another until the day I die, chasing my financial tail. Fulfilment is for other people.
I'm not even sad or angry at this point. I'm just sort of numb.
The computer is dead. I'm going to see how much it'll cost to get fixed this weekend, *if* it can be fixed.
I didn't get my texts backed up in time before it died. So all 36,700 words of my novel are as good as gone, as are all 52,000 words of my serial, and everything else I had on the computer. Poof.
I'm taking this as a sign. I'm obviously not meant to write. I'm obviously not meant to have anything that gives me pleasure or a sense of accomplishment. So, I give up.
I wish this had happened before I bought the materials for a new writing project, but whatever. Chalk it up to experience and move on. I can always give the stuff to someone who needs it.
To the people of Bluebook: I'll try to honour my committments from work, but as you know that's unreliable. I may have to retire all my characters except for Bradshaw, since I probably won't have time to write more than one character. I'd retire from the game entirely, but CS1 has had enough problems with their COs that I don't want to leave you guys in the lurch again.
I'm sorry if I'm disappointing anyone else. That's just the way things go, I guess. I forgot for a while there that I'm not allowed to make Plans.
I'm just supposed to plod along steadily in one dead-end job after another until the day I die, chasing my financial tail. Fulfilment is for other people.
I'm not even sad or angry at this point. I'm just sort of numb.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-11-18 03:00 pm (UTC)Does it help at all to know that I enjoy and admire YOUR writing? Weird creepy-ass western, how cool is that? Handled deftly and skillfully BY YOU.
I understand self-pity. I do. Trust me. I was not always the smooth confident word-warrior I am today. Ask Arin and t! how bad I was, if you don't believe me.
THIS IS SELF-PITY. STOP.
You are a writer. You couldn't give up writing if someone paid you to stop.
Yes it sucks you don't have a backup. Deal.