The rumours of my death are only slightly exaggerated

[mousme]

Yeah, I've sort of gone into semi-hermit mode. I haven't touched the computer in days, although I have seen people.

I could put in a grocery list of all the things I've done lately, but I don't think it'll be of much interest to anyone but me. I'm quite sure that if I were in a different mindspace I'd have very interesting things to post about. Lord knows, things are happening around me, even if I'm not involved.

Looking at it as objectively as I can, which isn't saying all that much, I grant you, I think I'm on a general downswing. After the six months of non-stop go-go-go that was Erb, settling into a quiet nine-to-five job is just, well, boring. I'm still stuck in limbo about the job, although I poked my manager today about getting that finalized, and she did say she'd get it done this week. Time will tell, I guess. I'm in the middle of one of my typical "I-haven't-done-anything-with-my-life-and-I-suck" phases.

And before you ask: no, I have no idea what I'd rather be doing right now. If I wasn't unable to write a sentence of fiction that wasn't utter dreck, I'd say that I'd rather be writing. At this juncture, however, a root canal without anesthetic sounds less painful than writing. *sigh* I have a few ideas. They just don't seem to be leading anywhere, and whenever I try to write them down, they magically transform into crap.

So, yes. Feeling vaguely discouraged and out of sorts, and there's been a new spike in heat since a few days, which doesn't help.

Okay, this post is about to die a disjointed death, so I'm going to post it before I delete it in a fit of pique.

Comments

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

I can see why you and Muse are friends.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Really? I'm curious to know what made you think that. I mean, she and I are friends, but I wonder if the reasons you think we're friends are the same reasons that I'd give.

Your entries reflect interestingly similar personality traits and habits of mind.

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

Your posts reflect similar mindsets. Statements which could have been, if not actually have been, made almost verbatim by ingenuemuse:

1. Yeah, I've sort of gone into semi-hermit mode.
2. I could put in a grocery list of all the things I've done lately, but I don't think it'll be of much interest to anyone but me.
3. I'm in the middle of one of my typical "I-haven't-done-anything-with-my-life-and-I-suck" phases.
4. Feeling vaguely discouraged and out of sorts, and there's been a new spike in heat since a few days, which doesn't help.
5. Okay, this post is about to die a disjointed death, so I'm going to post it before I delete it in a fit of pique.

1) You both worry about socialization as if it is something which must be worked-at as opposed to just enjoyed or not as you feel inclined.

2) You both have a "chatty" conversational style which searches for a kind of semi-intimate interaction with the reader. It's fun to read, and draws the reader in because the post seems to be addressed to the individual reader, even when it is specifically addressed to the readership at large or nobody in particular. You both worry in your entries about being interesting for the reader. This is a groundless worry, IMHO, in both your cases. I suspect that both of you have a high emotional need for quality conversation (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5056_qa.html) (one of a set of ten emotional needs people have to varying extents). (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html) I'm the same way, but I tend to fight that style impulse when it shows up in my journal writing, because that's not what my writing is about, for the most part. You and Muse though, seem to subconsciously seek output/input fullfilment in your journal writing -- not that there's anything wrong with that -- it's just how you are. In fact, it was reading Muse which gave me this insight about myself.

3) You both classify yourselves according to categories of self-observed behavior patterns, to which you give clever names. You both have a sometimes distressing habit of being a tad unfairly harsh in self-criticism, as well.

4) When you're not feeling in the best mood, you'll bitch about the heat. Of course, Muse bitches about the heat even when she's not in a bad mood, but then she's typically humorous about it. I haven't been reading you long enough to see if this is a consistent pattern or not with you durring hot weather.

5) You both have this charmingly postmodern self-referential style whereby you critique your own writing as you write and diagnose your post. Muse typically notes that she's changing topics without a seque, for one example. It's an endearing mannerism or idiosynracy. She also talks about running out of inspiration or interest at the end of her entries and often threatens to delete an entry when she's written something having a downbeat tone and of which she feels compelled to disown, or otherwise distance herself from.

Grrr. Bad link.

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

Conversation (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3315_conv.html)

I hate it when I screw up the links.

*squish*

[fearsclave.livejournal.com]

We need to go snowshoeing soon.

[luvenditti.livejournal.com]

I just posted about this exact feeling in my blog. I've likened it to being that chick in Labyrinth looking for a way into the maze. All we're waiting for is that bloody little caterpillar to point the way.

[ai731.livejournal.com]

If the heat continues while we're on vacation, I can offer you a brief respite from it, at least, particularly since you've kindly agreed to feed my cat. I shall put clean sheets on the guest bed in the basement, and while we're away, please feel free to use it. It's a gloriously cool 21oC down here right now.

[owldaughter.livejournal.com]

What is it about us overachiever-types? Good gods, woman, you picked up a set of drumsticks on April 17-ish and performed in a gig on June 11. You, sucking, not achieving anything? I think not. And here I am moaning about how horrible I feel because I gave birth and had to ask to have a book deadline moved as a result. Someone should lash us with wet noodles. We accomplish incredible things, and then stress about other stuff.

I think that's how the shinies evolve: we feel as if we're not accomplishing anything according to our insanely high standards, and so we find new things to interest us. Except then we castigate ourselves because we aren't progressing as we'd like in the pursuit of the shiny.

It seems to me, dear, that you have a very sharp mind that requires a lot of mental stimulation. When that's not happening, you get bored and subsequently experience a "downswing." 'Cept we all need time off from the mental stimulation, otherwise we'd go pop without slower and quieter times to download. When we get to used to running on high, slower moments feel wrong, I know. We do need them to protect our sanity, though (ironic, isn't it?).

I send you love and strength and calm. And so does Liam.

Re: *squish*

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

Can you make it snow already?

[mousme.livejournal.com]

With my luck, my cats have probably eaten the caterpillar. :P

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :)

I may at least spend some quality time with your television and confuse the hell out of Saash for a while, if it's still this hot while you're gone. ("Who is this strange woman in Mummy's house?")

[luvenditti.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, but as awful as that concept is, it made me laugh and laugh!

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Well, it was meant to be funny, in a vaguely acerbic and cynical sort of way. My cats would eat the caterpillar. In fact, they've tried to eat just about everything that's within reach. *shakes head*