Not that I have time to be posting...
Jun. 16th, 2005 12:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeYay, procrastination!
To be honest, I just wanted to jot down an idea lurking in the back of my mind. Not sure what to do with it yet. Prolly just file it away under "for future scrutiny."
I'm just wondering about this odd dual impulse I have when the Crazy tends to take over. The Crazy wants to spend a lot of time with people, and not be left alone, and to drag everyone into the Crazy with me. The other part, although I'm not convinced this isn't just another facet of the Crazy, only wants to retreat into the deepest, darkest corner of my apartment and hide until the Crazy goes away. That part of me puts on the usual broken record: "No one wants to see you like this. You're tedious beyond belief. You're being annoying. People have other things to do with their time than babysit you, you neurotic twit." Etc.
It's this hideous Catch-22. If I see people when I'm really in a bad state, then I end up alienating them because I can barely stand to be around myself, never mind others. I become a snappish, hyper-sensitive, demented harpy who can't manage a single sentence without offending someone or otherwise putting her foot in her mouth. If I don't force myself to go out, then I become withdrawn and sullen and pretty disagreeable to anyone who happens to cross my path while I'm trying to be a hermit.
Meh. So, I guess, the moral of the story is: don't be crazy.
Just thinking out loud, really.
To be honest, I just wanted to jot down an idea lurking in the back of my mind. Not sure what to do with it yet. Prolly just file it away under "for future scrutiny."
I'm just wondering about this odd dual impulse I have when the Crazy tends to take over. The Crazy wants to spend a lot of time with people, and not be left alone, and to drag everyone into the Crazy with me. The other part, although I'm not convinced this isn't just another facet of the Crazy, only wants to retreat into the deepest, darkest corner of my apartment and hide until the Crazy goes away. That part of me puts on the usual broken record: "No one wants to see you like this. You're tedious beyond belief. You're being annoying. People have other things to do with their time than babysit you, you neurotic twit." Etc.
It's this hideous Catch-22. If I see people when I'm really in a bad state, then I end up alienating them because I can barely stand to be around myself, never mind others. I become a snappish, hyper-sensitive, demented harpy who can't manage a single sentence without offending someone or otherwise putting her foot in her mouth. If I don't force myself to go out, then I become withdrawn and sullen and pretty disagreeable to anyone who happens to cross my path while I'm trying to be a hermit.
Meh. So, I guess, the moral of the story is: don't be crazy.
Just thinking out loud, really.
