Muslims and faggots and clones, oh my!
Jul. 15th, 2003 10:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeYes, I had dinner with my mother tonight. What tipped you off?
Let's start with the not-so-bad part of the evening. My best friend from childhood, Thomas, now living in New Brunswick, has converted to Islam. Colour me flummoxed, as he was about the most agnostic Anglican ever to walk this earth up until recently (apart from a brief flirtation with Buddhism a few years ago).
My mother is concerned that he might turn fundamentalist. I find it highly unlikely, especially as a tow-haired blue-eyed Nova Scotian would have a bit of difficulty fitting in with Al-Quaeda. /sarcasm
If I can get his address, I'm going to send him The Life of Pi which I think would be a good read for him.
Apart from that, no other news, save that two of his cousins are getting married this summer.
The less fun part of the evening essentially revolved around the fact that gay people are going to cause the end of civilisation. Yes, ladies and gentlement, gay people are EVIL because they are clearly selfish and thinking of no one but themselves when they want the right to marry.
To quote the Simpsons: "Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children?"
If you think I'm exaggerating when I tell you that my mother is the Queen of the Irrational World, you are wrong, my friend, very very wrong.
Here's her reasoning from tonight:
Gay people are getting married *only* to have children in the future. BUT, these children won't be conceived naturally, oh no. That would be too simple. Gay people have PERVERTED the natural laws, it's in progress right now, making it possible to have conception between two people of the same sex (in a laboratory context, of course) by simply "fertilizing" two cells from people of the same sex.
Terrified yet? I certainly am.
So, in my mother's mind: Gay people = weird unethical cloning-like procedure = EVIL.
Or, in her words undesirable.
That's the evening's conversation in a nutshell. Oh, sure, there were arguments bandied about about how it was the "child's right" to have two parents of the opposite sex (she conveniently brushed off single parents, divorced parents and widows and widowers as "always having been there so there's no need for laws, just as there's no need for a law for people to have noses," which nonplussed me so much I didn't have the strength to argue anymore), and how being homosexual was not "desirable" (phrased in a rhetorical question: "But what, in your opinion, is the most desirable state?" which of course implied that we were idiots to think anything but married heterosexual couples were desirable).
She called my father short-sighted and ignorant of everything that was happening in "science" these days (*cough*potkettleblack!*cough*), and luckily he held his temper.
It was all I could do not to just sit there and cry by the end, so I left, as politely as I could, although my mother made a snarky comment to me about leaving because "this interesting debate has upset you so much?" as though I was supposed to accept her viewpoint as the Gospel Truth and not let myself be upset by her bigotry.
I'm SO never telling her I'm gay. Never in a million years. I can't bear to think of my own mother hating me like that.
Let's start with the not-so-bad part of the evening. My best friend from childhood, Thomas, now living in New Brunswick, has converted to Islam. Colour me flummoxed, as he was about the most agnostic Anglican ever to walk this earth up until recently (apart from a brief flirtation with Buddhism a few years ago).
My mother is concerned that he might turn fundamentalist. I find it highly unlikely, especially as a tow-haired blue-eyed Nova Scotian would have a bit of difficulty fitting in with Al-Quaeda. /sarcasm
If I can get his address, I'm going to send him The Life of Pi which I think would be a good read for him.
Apart from that, no other news, save that two of his cousins are getting married this summer.
The less fun part of the evening essentially revolved around the fact that gay people are going to cause the end of civilisation. Yes, ladies and gentlement, gay people are EVIL because they are clearly selfish and thinking of no one but themselves when they want the right to marry.
To quote the Simpsons: "Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children?"
If you think I'm exaggerating when I tell you that my mother is the Queen of the Irrational World, you are wrong, my friend, very very wrong.
Here's her reasoning from tonight:
Gay people are getting married *only* to have children in the future. BUT, these children won't be conceived naturally, oh no. That would be too simple. Gay people have PERVERTED the natural laws, it's in progress right now, making it possible to have conception between two people of the same sex (in a laboratory context, of course) by simply "fertilizing" two cells from people of the same sex.
Terrified yet? I certainly am.
So, in my mother's mind: Gay people = weird unethical cloning-like procedure = EVIL.
Or, in her words undesirable.
That's the evening's conversation in a nutshell. Oh, sure, there were arguments bandied about about how it was the "child's right" to have two parents of the opposite sex (she conveniently brushed off single parents, divorced parents and widows and widowers as "always having been there so there's no need for laws, just as there's no need for a law for people to have noses," which nonplussed me so much I didn't have the strength to argue anymore), and how being homosexual was not "desirable" (phrased in a rhetorical question: "But what, in your opinion, is the most desirable state?" which of course implied that we were idiots to think anything but married heterosexual couples were desirable).
She called my father short-sighted and ignorant of everything that was happening in "science" these days (*cough*potkettleblack!*cough*), and luckily he held his temper.
It was all I could do not to just sit there and cry by the end, so I left, as politely as I could, although my mother made a snarky comment to me about leaving because "this interesting debate has upset you so much?" as though I was supposed to accept her viewpoint as the Gospel Truth and not let myself be upset by her bigotry.
I'm SO never telling her I'm gay. Never in a million years. I can't bear to think of my own mother hating me like that.
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no subject
Date: 2003-07-15 07:47 pm (UTC)I know its easy for me to say that because I'm not in your position (not yet at least :P), but its the only advice I can offer.
*smooches* For what its worth, I think you're a perfectly wonderful human being and you're not evil because you're gay.
Oh, incidentally, what's your mum's address...? *considers exploding Phnee's mum's brain a bit while she's over in Montreal*
(no subject)
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From:I'm curious as to where those labs are
Is there a chapter of PFLAG around here? They might have some helpful advice.
Perseity in D+2/3rds !!!
Re: I'm curious as to where those labs are
From:Re: I'm curious as to where those labs are
From:Re: I'm curious as to where those labs are
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From:Sheeesh....
Date: 2003-07-15 09:22 pm (UTC)I'm so very sorry, love. Keep that gay chin of yours up as you continue your gay life and your gay job while living in your gay apartment and posting to your gay livejournal. *schnug*
hmmm
Date: 2003-07-15 09:53 pm (UTC)Have you considered that she might know?
no subject
Date: 2003-07-15 11:30 pm (UTC)Also sounds like your dad is waiting for you to come forth, and arguing with your mother is his way of letting you know that you have his support.
My son is 4, and believe me, if he was gay, I'd know it already... it's obvious when you observe, just where a person's interests lie. [Course he's a bit of an over achiever and tries to pick up teenage girls.]
Be your own person, happy in the knowledge you are a special and caring individual. Say or do what you have to with them, and know that anything she might say does not pertain to you. It is only a statement of who she is.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-16 12:47 am (UTC)And that's exactly why you should tell her. She sees queers as something foreign right now and it needs to be more real to her, closer to home. Changing the world, one person at a time.
On the other hand, don't force it before you're ready. Take your time. I took seven years to come out to my mom, and lived over a thousand miles away when I did. And I told my mother on the phone. There was a lot of crying and screaming and letters about God, but we both survived it.
And no, she's still not happy, but see the part about surviving, and also, I'm not afraid of her finding out before I tell her now.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-16 03:22 am (UTC)Though, you know, um, would you like to have Evil Clone Babies™ with me? I'd so love to make her an Evil Clone Grandmother™ :D
no subject
Date: 2003-07-16 06:14 am (UTC)Good luck. :/
no subject
Date: 2003-07-16 10:48 am (UTC)second, this struck me as extremely bizarre: she conveniently brushed off single parents, divorced parents and widows and widowers as "always having been there
haven't gays and lesbians always been around?
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2003-07-16 12:28 pm (UTC)It sounds like you've at least expressed your disagreement with her position, which is a good start. Have you tried letting her know how much this offends you? Just at a general level, mind. Something like "That's a really horrible thing to say. I can't believe how bigoted that sounds," or something like that. No need to yell or scream, but a calm statement registering your extreme displeasure. It looks like trying to argue with her on a rational basis isn't effective.
Another tactic might be to mention that you have friends who are gay, and it bothers you to hear her say things like that about them (no need to name names, of course, if you don't want to). This would be one way of 'bringing it closer to home' (as several people have suggested) without actually coming out yourself. Is there anyone she knows/admires/respects who is gay? A friend of the family, a neighbour, co-worker, whatever? You might also mention them (if such a person exists) as a potential example of a non-evil gay person.
I rather doubt that any of this will make your mother a better person, sad to say, but it might make her think twice about spouting off about such subjects around you, at least.
(no subject)
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