Well, that was something...

If you had told me ten years ago that I would live to see the day when a US government official would throw up not one, but two Sieg Heils in a row during an inauguration, I would not have believed you, but HERE WE ARE, apparently.

I simultaneously have no words and all the words. I feel as though, if I start talking about what I'm feeling, I will crack open and everything will come pouring out of me and just never stop, a flood of outrage and indignation and fear on behalf of all the people I know and love. Already there are reports coming in from the US about executive orders about taking away care for trans people, and deporting immigrants, and any number of other attacks on civil liberties. If it weren't so damned dangerous, it would be funny that the wording of one of the executive orders has inadvertently declared everyone in the USA a woman, because it specifies that it's the sex "at conception" that determines legal gender, and every single fertilized egg starts out as female. But it's not funny, because this is just going to be used to seriously harm one of the most vulnerable populations out there. We can laugh, but we all know it's gallows humour, just laughing in the face of adversity, because what choice do we have? It's Day 1 of the new Presidency, and already there are people spreading panic about ICE takedowns that aren't really happening, because they want their 15 minutes of fame on social media, and the misinformation is getting spread around and causing harm by burying legitimate information about deportation actions taking place. It's all a goddamned mess.

It's at times like this that I ever so slightly regret leaving my position at the RCMP, because I often knew National Security things well ahead of the public, and it gave me a probably false sense of security that I might be able to see a lot of things coming and prepare accordingly. For the record, I had given it a lot of thought while I was working there, and if I'd come across information that I thought might save lives if I became a whistleblower, then I would have done exactly that. So it wasn't just about being personally prepared. Just in case you were wondering.

In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out what I can do and where my limits lie. I have been frustratingly unable to keep myself together these past few years, let alone help anyone else, but it's clear I have to do more than what I have been. As they say: if you find yourself wondering what you would have done when the Nazis took power, look at what you're doing right now, because that's what you would have done then. For me right now that looks like going to work, trying to pay my bills, and feeling something akin to despair at what I'm seeing all around me, combined with doing a little bit of prepping whenever I can muster the energy. Clearly, in light of what's happening, that's not enough.

I don't think I can do anything that will directly or materially help my friends south of the border. It's just not within my power at this time. For what it's worth, if any of you land on my doorstep here in Canada after making it across the border, you will always have a place to crash while you figure out your next steps. It's just that Canada has a ridiculous immigration process and it's next to impossible for US citizens to gain a path to Canadian citizenship outside of a work or student visa, and work visas are really tricky to get these days. And Immigration, Refugees, and Citizenship Canada (IRCC) have just announced they're cutting 3,300 jobs in the next few months, so that will make wait times even longer and the paperwork even more complicated, I assume. 

So I'm going to focus on what I can do closer to home. We've been facing a housing and hunger crisis for a long time in Canada, so I'm going to try to find a volunteer spot at a local food bank. A lot of the local volunteer-based outreach is dominated by Christian organizations with a lot of emphasis on proselytizing, which I am not keen on. I'm thinking, though, that if I get enough experience, I might down the road be able to get together with other like-minded people and maybe start a food pantry or a food bank of my own. No idea if that's realistic or feasible, but something worth looking into, I think.

I'm also going to make a renewed effort to connect with my neighbours. I live in a townhome complex, and mostly people keep to themselves, but I am on friendly-if-distant terms with my immediate neighbours. The lady who kept calling bylaw on my dogs and whose son stormed aggressively into my yard to scream at me a couple of years ago is welcome to go fuck herself, but I am going to reach out to my closer neighbours. There's a few who have made at least polite noises about having a shared drink at some point, and while my last invitation was politely declined due to prior commitments, I will give it another try, probably in February so I have at least a snowball's chance in hell of getting the house clean enough for guests.

I've been following an account called "The Happy Urbanist" on TikTok, and last year he started a regular event at his house called "Popsicles on the Porch," where every Thursday evening through the summer he'd bring out a giant cooler full of popsicles and distribute them to his neighbours from his porch. Everyone was welcome, it was an outdoor affair so distancing was possible, and it was super kid-friendly.  So I think I will start that in late April or May. Of course, I don't have a porch, but I do have a front stoop and a driveway, so I can definitely make something happen, and if it takes off in the summer I will try to extend it into the fall and the warmer part of winter, and serve coffee and hot chocolate instead of popsicles. I might even pull my barbecue into the driveway and ask people to bring their own food if they want to have more than a popsicle. This plan is going to be a lot easier to enact in the near future than anything else. I'm going to post an announcement on local community boards (both physical and online), and put paper flyers in mailboxes for my immediate neighbours, and see what happens. I might get no people or I might get fifty or a hundred, there's no real way to tell at this point.

I'm in a few local groups on Facebook and NextDoor, so there does appear to be some desire to connect with community among the folks in my area. I am taking that as a sign to be optimistic, at least.

In the meantime, I am determined to make this weekend the time I get all my seeds started for both my indoor veggie garden and for my community garden plot. I was always told not to start my plants too early or they'd get leggy/otherwise not do well, but I have found another gardening resource that has what seems like good advice on how to start your plants early and get not only good results, but hardier/more resilient plants for the growing season and even a potentially better harvest.

I have plans to put in at least one raised bed in my own backyard this summer, and multiple raised beds in my garden plot. I was originally planning to plant everything in the ground directly, but last summer's back injury has convinced me that this is a bad idea. I need to have access to at least part of the garden without having to bend/crouch all the way down to ground level. 

I also put in an order for a pound of red wiggler worms yesterday which I will hopefully be picking up tomorrow in order to start vermicomposting again. I am planning a three-tier system using Rubbermaid bins this time, along with a repurposed cooler drain for easier access to the "worm tea" (aka the liquid that is produced by worm bins in addition to the compost/worm castings).

So, yeah. I want to at least try to not be a useless lump for the next few months. Only time will tell if I will be successful in any meaningful way.