How to have a life when you're overworked

[mousme]

Okay, I know that I can't possibly be the only person on my flist who is seriously overworked and/or regularly has to work weekends and/or have wacky schedules. So this question is mostly directed at the people who have to contend with this sort of thing.

How on earth do you manage to keep body and soul together when all your time seems to be spent at work? If you work 60+ hours a week, and if you calculate 50 hours for sleeping (7 hours a night, if we're generous), 7 hours roughly for showering/brushing teeth/whatever (30 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes in the evening) 14 hours for commuting, that leaves a maximum of 37 hours (5 hours a day) in which to Get Stuff Done. That doesn't count the time spent in transit in order to Get Stuff Done.

That means cooking, eating cleaning, paying bills, feeding the cats, patting the cats, and maybe seeing a friend or two, and very possibly going on a date. That's in a 60 hour week. In an eighty or ninety hour week, naturally, the time left over shrinks to about seven hours, or less, in which case there is far less sleep involved.

How the hell do you do it? What ends up giving way to the inevitable?

I'm open to suggestions, too, from anyone who has them. So far, I seem to lack the willpower when home to do anything other than collapse in a tired heap, and maybe do some dishes every now and then. My day "off" on Saturday was lost partially to sleeping in until the sinful hour of 09:30, then was half-spent gardening, and half-spent at a housewarming party. So, no grocery shopping, no cooking, no cleaning, no setting up of bookshelves, no unpacking, and bed at 21:00 so I would be at least moderately rested for work the next day.

I'm a little tired of having the place still messy and still full of boxes.

Suggestions? Anyone? Bueller?

Comments

[karine.livejournal.com]

Having a husband (wife/partner/significant other/roommate) with fewer work hours than you helps with the chores. Also, my sleep is more like 5 to 6 hours a night on weekdays, 7 on the weekends (I love my children, really).

Honestly? For me, WORK is what breaks first. I will say that I can't do the overtime because I'm exhausted, I will stretch a deadline in order to get some rest, because otherwise, my work time is far less effective. That works in my line of work, though, and not necessarily in yours.

I would suggest grabbing some friends who have a little time on their hands and asking them to come over when you're about to do a bunch of chores, have them help out and share a meal as a thank you. I've done that with big projects, and I got the idea from friends who took on the project of redoing their back yard... they had a ton of us over, we got a huge lot done in a day, and we all had a big barbecue afterwards. So what you could do is have 2 or 3 people over to help you finish unpacking, cleaning and sorting stuff: you would be done quickly and you'd get the socializing thing too.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Ooh, that's a good idea!

I'll have to do that when I get back from Québec.

[fearsclave.livejournal.com]

Working from home and having a spouse who works fewer hours than you do helps. I remember back after Suzanne left, I compltely lost control of the non-work aspect of my life...

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Okay, but if you have to work at work, and have no spouse, what then?

[fearsclave.livejournal.com]

Hire a cleaning service?

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Hee!

What I need is a full-time housekeeper. ;)

[quietlyurban.livejournal.com]

I feel like someone at an AA meeting now but bear with me while I grit my teeth and type this out loud.

"My name is Suse and I was a terrible homemaker, until I found this website. I signed up to the mailing list and almost immediately started to pick up hints and tips that helped me streamline in my own way and in my own time."

I sound like an infomercial.

But seriously, if you are struggling to keep up with housework and cleaning, have a look and a read of www.flylady.net . They have a yahoo mailing list that delivers sound words of advice to your inbox for you to flick through and hopefully absorb things.

It sounds like a gimmick and I suppose some people would say it probably is. What it is ultimately is someone who has learned the hard way how to get their life in order and has managed to condense their advice to short simple tenets to follow.

Here are some of the ones that have sunk into my mind so far:

You are not behind, just jump in where you are.
You can do anything in five or fifteen minutes.
Shine your sink.
Handle each item of mail ONCE - to bin it, to deal with it, to file it, don't stack it on the side in piles.
Go to bed at a reasonable hour, your body needs sleep.
Wednesday (or other day of your choice) is desk day for doing paper clutter.
Never pull out more than you can put away in an hour.
Find your hot spots where clutter builds up and spend time 'putting them out' - putting stuff away before it builds up.
If you take something out, put it back when you are done.

There are lots more but these are just the ones that I have taken on board.

It is really about changing your perspective of how you look at things to be done around the house. Rather than spending five minutes staring at something and worrying about how to fix it, I spend those five minutes actually doing something about it. It doesn't matter if it gets finished, I've still used that time to be constructive rather than pessimistic.

If you can try it and let it change the way you look at things, it works. I thought I was doing sort of ok before I started trying to take this advice (and more) on board, and now I sit down at the end of the day and I feel a genuine sense of satisfaction. I'm even thinking of starting to make bento box lunches for all three adults in the house when I go back to work, before I used to struggle to have enough food in the house for dinners in the evening!

I shall end my enthusing here before I feel the need to rush off and buy a floral apron.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Been there, done that, got the Flylady t-shirt that says "Congratulations, you're too hopeless even to keep your sink shiny." :P

I wish I had the minimal amount of discipline needed to follow the Flylady system. It seems really shiny and nifty and awesome, but I've never been able to do it for more than a week to ten days at a time. :P

*sigh*

Thank you for the idea, though! :)

[bodhifox.livejournal.com]

I have no advice for you (after 2 hours sleep and caring for the kids at someone else's place and now at work again.) Have any for me?

[sultrysong.livejournal.com]

I don't have any suggestions (right now, because I'm in a pissy mood), but I can tell you that I feel your pain.

I've been working nights and weekends for about 19 years. When I was young, I managed to make a social life work. But with a child (which often means getting out of bed and being happy three hours after you went to sleep) and a relationship, I've pretty much had to give up friendships. I've learned to deal with people putting their noses as high as possible in the air because I just can't -- can.not. -- keep the house perfect and I won't -- will.not. -- answer the phone before noon or after 11 p.m.

It goes this way: I love my child, my wife and my job. They are the three most important things and everything else, well, it hurts, but they can fall by the wayside. So I guess it's all a matter of priorities. You cannot do everything, so you pick the two or three things that matter most and some days you cry into your pillow because of the things you have to neglect. It's just life.

Okay, I know this seems like a totally negative post (see above, re: pissy mood). But it's not: I'm saying that you can have a life with a job that you love; sometimes you just have to redefine what your life will be and hope that you have friends who will support you. I think you've probably chosen people who can handle your choices. You're good like that. Now you just have to convince yourself that it's okay to make those choices.

[mellybean71.livejournal.com]

Being the other half of the equation I thought I should chime in...

I *HATE* housework. I've been trying to do more of it lately and sometimes that works but for the most part the house is messy unless company is coming. I do do the cooking, most of the laundry, bill paying and that sort of stuff and grocery shopping is sort of together time (although Sultry hates it poor thing). Getting someone to clean for you isn't a bad idea at all.

As far as socializing goes, you have to schedule it in advance I guess and hope that your times fit with everyone else's. Or like someone up there said-- combine it with something else. Cook or shop with friends for example.

Shift work like this is hard and the people who work "normal" hours just don't get what a mess it can make of your life.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

We live too far apart. I suspect you would make an excellent roommate. :)

*hugs*

[whiskeygirl8.livejournal.com]

Is the overtime you're working mandatory? I got to the point where I only work overtime that's mandatory. I'm worn out enough by my job just working 40 hours (especially since I seem to almost always have to work the busiest parts of the weekends and that can really wear a person down.) I'm fortunate in that I've been there long enough that I make enough money to not have to have the overtime in order to make ends meet. Some people either spread their ends out too far or just started so they need the overtime.

I don't get as much done as I would like. I usually have to take a couple days off in conjunction with my weekend in order to get the place looking spiffy unless I close myself off from friends and family and just stay home.

[kino-kid.livejournal.com]

Others said having a partner who is fair living with you helps, which is true, although I don't see how that is useful for your situation.

Currently what falls by the wayside for me is pretty much everything. I also have very little motivation to actually clean when a free day actually comes up, because I am just too shellshocked from everything that has happened.

If you keep the bathroom and the kitchen fairly clean, and have clean laundry, folded or not, you're a winner. Everything else is gravy. Pay an occasional bill and you're a superstar.

I've been reading for months how you are working overtime. Cut back some of it. It's not good for you. You are allowed to say so.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

It's not mandatory per se, but we're so short-staffed that if everyone doesn't put in a bunch of overtime, we're screwed.

Basically we're functioning at about 60% or less of our full capacity.

We're supposed to be twenty operators, working all the shifts. Currently there are eleven people able to work. We have at least three vacancies, one girl is in the middle of training and is planning to leave anyway, and the rest are all on long-term sick leave.

It's a nightmare, scheduling-wise. I've turned down a bunch of overtime. If I said "yes" to all the overtime they want me to do, I'd be routinely working 80 hours or more per week. It would help if some of the older members of the section would pick up some of the slack (as it is, it's the five newer people who are doing almost all of the overtime), but the truth is that they physically can't handle all that much overtime anymore. They're all over 55, and doing even a couple of days of overtime is hard for them.

In theory it should get better soon. One of the people on sick leave is meant to be coming back, and we're getting yet another new girl in at the end of October. So, hopefully the Overtime Fairy will take a break. :P

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Once I get back from Québec City, I think there will be some serious scaling-back on the overtime. As much as I can, anyway. It's not like I need the money. :P

[whiskeygirl8.livejournal.com]

They need to establish a mandatory overtime system. The way ours works, you have two days per week where you are subject to mandatory overtime either before or after your shift. There is a list of people every day and they use that. Whoever is top of the list gets forced to work first (either called in before work or made to stay over depending on when the overtime is needed.) When you work overtime (whether voluntary or mandatory), you go to the bottom of the list. When they start the list, it is made in order of seniority.

They're all over 55, and doing even a couple of days of overtime is hard for them.

Bullshit. At least, I call bullshit on it being so hard on them that they shouldn't be doing it. There are several people at my job who do it all the time. Hell, overtime at all is hard on me (and I think it's hard on everyone, honestly) but it isn't debilitating, even though 12 hours on a radio can be hard on my knee (because we push a pedal to talk on the radio. I've tried using my left foot, but I'm right-footed and it just doesn't work.)

At least if you have a mandatory system the overtime tends to get spread out more evenly and the only time people are working more OT than others is because they volunteered to. (I know nothing about your organization's schedule, so I don't know how well our system would work, but it's worth a try for you to see if you can come up with something and propose it. My personal opinion is that the amount of overtime that you seem to be expected to work is inhumane.)

[le-maistre-e.livejournal.com]

So, I have Wednesdays and Sundays off. Would you like a visit from the Organizing/Cleaning Fairy to help mitigate the effects of the Overtime Fairy?

I offer in exchange for, well I'll think of something in the near or distant future. Just an offer, as actual advice, I can't give, really.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Yeah, our system is kind of borked. The schedule changes all the time (no one works a fixed schedule: we rotate on a nine-week schedule of seven weeks on, two weeks sort of off), and isn't assigned at all based on seniority.

One of my 101 goals in the next 3 years is to try to come up with a workable alternative to the current schedule.

Aren't there courses in administration that deal with how to manage work schedules? There must be...

[mousme.livejournal.com]

That would be awesome, except that it wouldn't be until the end of October, because I don't have this Wednesday off, and I'm leaving for Québec City on Sunday at 08:00.

Thank you! I can bake and cook and anything along those lines. I make killer banana bread. :)

[whiskeygirl8.livejournal.com]

Surely there is, but I don't really know.

Here's a place where you can subscribe and you can use it to make schedules. I haven't tried it yet, but I've been told it's really awesome and it does everything for you. http://www.informersystems.com/

And here's some places to start for public safety communications courses: http://www.google.com/search?q=9-1-1+classes&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a

I know most of that is in the US and may or may not help you, but they may be a place to start or may have info on people doing similar stuff in Canada.

[aislingtheach.livejournal.com]

Ok. Par où commencer? Je t'avoue que je me fais du souci pour toi. Si tu trouves la situation rushante présentement, je ne vois pas comment tu peux trouver une façon de composer avec ça :( Ya pas de pirouettes à faire, ya pas de trucs inventifs qui permettent de tout faire ou de patcher les trous, et essayer de réciter un mantra dans lequel tu répètes dans ta tête que dans le fin fond tu as en masse de temps et que tout est parfait (un peu à la «j'ai chaud, j'ai chaud» quand il fait froid) ne marchera malheureusement pas. :(

Si c'est rushant right now, ça ne doit pas perdurer. Évidemment, je dis ça en sachant que la situation dans laquelle tu te trouves n'est sans doute pas facile. J'imagine qu'ils ont soit coupé du personnel, soit pas encore trouvé les remplacements - auquel cas ils branlent peut-être dans le manche et se fient sur le fait que tu sois en train de patcher leurs trous (j'hypothétise ici, mais j'espère surtout que ce n'est pas ça). Sais-tu si ils prévoient embaucher du nouveau personnel? Et si c'est le cas, sais-tu quand?

Ta situation me parle beaucoup parce qu'il y a eu un moment dans ma vie où tout me sortait par les oreilles. La différence, c'est que j'avais un peu plus de pouvoir au niveau de mes engagements (du moins je le présume). Vivre dans le gros jus, c'est pas évident. Ce n'est pas bien pour sa santé physique, ce n'est pas bien pour sa santé mentale, ce n'est pas bien pour notre vie sociale et... ce n'est pas bien pour notre vie amoureuse :(. Et comme tu viens de rencontrer BorderCrossing, ce serait tellement mieux si tu avais le temps pour prendre soin de votre relation.

Je me sens un peu mal de te dire tout ça parce que j'imagine que tu dois en avoir une petite idée. Mon point dans le fond, c'est de t'encourager à voir s'il y a des alternatives. Mon petit doigt me fait craindre que tu sois capable - parce que tu me parais être une personne très douce et gentille (à moins que je ne sois dans le champ) - d'endurer encore la situation pendant un temps jusqu'à un «point de non retour» qui te fasse trop mal.

Bisous XX

[cpirate.livejournal.com]

At times, I've had to put in tons of work at a stretch (not exactly overtime, as I didn't get particularly paid for it), so for what it's worth here's what I've found.

First things first, I can only burn the candle at both ends for so long. I needed to have an end goal/date for when I could slow down for a bit, or else my productivity would just take a total nosedive (which would cause the work to take longer, so would prolong the misery). And for me, I could only last a few weeks, maybe 4 at the most. We called the projects that didn't have such obvious completion dates Death Marches, as that's approximately what it felt like to work on them. And once I was done, I had to take at least a few days of working less than normal. I didn't need a full-on vacation, but the sensation of coming in to work, not having a giant pile of stuff to do, and getting to leave early helped a lot. It never quite came up that I had to do this repeatedly, but I figure it'd have taken at least a couple of weeks of taking it relatively easy before I could consider putting much extra time in again. In other words, I'm saying you should be careful of burning out; it's no fun. Be sure to put your foot down at work before that happens.

As for managing the home front, I was lucky (well, if you can call it that) to not have to worry about neglecting pets. That would have made life harder. As it stood, I could basically ignore most of the entropy at home, since I was almost never there. I optimized the crap out of my morning routine (down to eating breakfast faster), made sure to bike into work (faster than the bus/metro where I was - this was the only criterion) even when I was a bit tired, and did the dishes only when absolutely necessary. I made an effort to get sleep in, as otherwise I'd have been useless on the job (hence prolonging things again), but I still slept less than ideal amounts.

What gave way? Cooking was one of the first things. I ate out more, or I ate horrible canned things at the office. Socializing took a bit of a hit, but it wasn't too bad as I was good friends with people at the office, or I'd step out to hang out with people at a bar/restaurant for a few hours in the evening and then head back to the office. This only worked because both my friends and my office were downtown, of course, and I wasn't on the clock. Don't even bother planning to get any sizeable work done around the house; it takes a surprising amount of time, and it'll only stress you out when it inevitably doesn't get done. Dates just didn't happen, though this is arguably unrelated to the amount I was working :)

I vaguely recall a few 100+ hour weeks back in university. I think all that needs to be said about them is that they were a bit of a blur :) Even if I could remember, the lessons wouldn't be so relevant as I had housemates at the time.

Anyway, if you just get one thing out of this giant comment, it's to make sure to take some downtime. Really. Enough that you actually feel rested from time to time. Sloth gets a bum rap.

[quietlyurban.livejournal.com]

Ah, my sink isn't always shiny either, and I don't follow it all the time or with dedication. I certainly don't do the daily missions on a daily basis - I do read the email and let the contents try and sink in, so if the daily mission is for example 'clean your nightstand' I'll sort of think about it for a few days and then think 'why not, it won't take long once I start' and descend on the nightstand with my magic dusting mitt in hand. I use it to keep my mind sort of focused on cleaning rather than viewing it as 'that thing I must do when we have no more clean dishes in the cupboard'.

The other thing that has helped us is a steady and continuous process of decluttering. If we don't love it, we can think about losing it (selling it, freecycling it, binning it). Slowly we get closer to being able to see the wood for the trees, but of course it all depends on how much clutter you start with.

I've certainly found that less is more in terms of being able to tend to housework, i.e. half the collection of DVDs is easier to dust than all of it.

suggestion and musing

[tcaptain.livejournal.com]

1 - Having people in your life who understand REALLY helps. My ex constantly gave me grief over working so much all the while complaining that we never had enough, this places a HUGE amount of stress. J understands and is patient.

2 - My choice in letting go of things usually comes in this order a) cleaning/chores, b) cooking, c) hobbies, d) social life. This is not really ideal but I've survived, albeit with a messy house.

3 - Take breaks/vacations/days off when you can. I am only NOW learning this. When I was alone I never did, when I was with my ex, I hated to. Burnout sneaks up on you. You never feel it coming until you are there.

4 - Treat yourself. Work to live, not live to work (even if you REALLY love your job, like I do). You work overtime for a reason and if that reason is a distant goal, sometimes it's really ok to push that goal back VERY slightly to give yourself a small treat right now...just to keep going. It's really really hard to keep killing yourself ONLY for something years in the future.

Anyway, that's how I feel about it and I've done ok.

Re: suggestion and musing

[foi-nefaste.livejournal.com]

Agreed, with pretty much everything, but especially #s 1 and 2.

Re: #1 - My most recent ex didn't understand at all why I worked any overtime, which isn't helpful if you've got to do it and that's that. I don't have anyone seriously in my life right now, but I find that being alone and working the overtime is actually easier than having a non-supportive "partner".

Re: #2 - that's about the right order to maintain sanity. Or manage to do just enough to keep the house under some level of semi-control so that cleaning doesn't take two days. (Learning to put things away when I'm done with them, and stacking dishes in the sink rather than leaving them wherever until I do dishes. When I get down to cleaning, I don't need to de-clutter for two hours beforehand. Very handy.)

Re: #3 - Levels of yes. Even if you can't take a day off, if you can even just arrange a schedule for a week where you can be asleep during the times you get the most rest, it helps a lot.

Additional tips that worked for me:
- Live near your friends, if possible, or seeing anyone gets kind of difficult.
- Stock the freezer and cupboards with super-easy dinner supplies (cuts down on the eating-out when you're exhausted, and what's in the freezer won't spoil if you don't eat it right away).
- Cook with friends - great way to hang out AND stock the freezer. ;)
- At some point, overtime is enough - you've got to be able to say "no" and keep to it every so often. Really.
- 15 or 20 minutes of reading isn't enough, but decompressing after work is necessary for sanity. Read, watch episodes of GOOD TV shows (half-hour shows on DVD work well for this - Arrested Development was good for that, in my case). Decompress, think about something else before going to bed, and it helped me not dream about work.

Re: suggestion and musing

[tcaptain.livejournal.com]

Arrested Development is full of win. What a great way to turn off your brain for 30 minutes.

I also very very much like "How I met your mother" as a guilty pleasure because Neil Patrick Harris is teh awesome in it.

(Come to your crack dealer, I'll hook ya up)

You Need A Wife

[ankhorite.livejournal.com]

There's a famous feminist essay titled, I think, "I Need A Wife," but it doesn't really fit your circumstances.

Hereabouts, we have rent-a-hubby services, and at least one of them is named that. Oddjobs guys.

Look, I don't know what you get paid but I assume a housekeeping service is out of reach. What about a grocery delivery, though? You'd be amazed how much time that buys you, just for the cost of the dropoff. We have one here... something like Peapod.com... but Savant won't use it.

Cut Back

[ankhorite.livejournal.com]

+1