Maybe I'm missing something...
Jul. 9th, 2003 02:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeY'know, I keep wondering if I'm not missing something essential that makes other human beings, well, human beings.
Someone just wrote in their LJ that they loved someone so much it hurt, especially when they're away from said object of their affection.
I've never felt this. Not even remotely. Sure, I've missed people before, and I miss Abi when I'm not around her, but I seem to be lacking that profound quality which everyone else seems to have. Other people seem to feel empty or ache when their love isn't around, and I don't. I miss them, I think of them occasionnally, but I never find myself in that particular state of anguish that characterises the act of loving.
Perhaps I'm just incapable of that particular human emotion.
In my world, love is only a stronger version of like, of friendship and mutual affection. Does that make me less human than others? I don't know. Maybe I'm just not built to love in that way. Maybe I'm not meant to ever feel that.
I suppose that might be why jealousy is always lurking on the edges of my friendships: I'm not jealous of my friends or the time they spend with other people, but I am jealous of the *intensity* of their relationships, the fact that other people can stir emotions in them that I'll never be able to experience.
Okay, enough pseudo-philosophising, back to work.
Someone just wrote in their LJ that they loved someone so much it hurt, especially when they're away from said object of their affection.
I've never felt this. Not even remotely. Sure, I've missed people before, and I miss Abi when I'm not around her, but I seem to be lacking that profound quality which everyone else seems to have. Other people seem to feel empty or ache when their love isn't around, and I don't. I miss them, I think of them occasionnally, but I never find myself in that particular state of anguish that characterises the act of loving.
Perhaps I'm just incapable of that particular human emotion.
In my world, love is only a stronger version of like, of friendship and mutual affection. Does that make me less human than others? I don't know. Maybe I'm just not built to love in that way. Maybe I'm not meant to ever feel that.
I suppose that might be why jealousy is always lurking on the edges of my friendships: I'm not jealous of my friends or the time they spend with other people, but I am jealous of the *intensity* of their relationships, the fact that other people can stir emotions in them that I'll never be able to experience.
Okay, enough pseudo-philosophising, back to work.
