A good weekend, but I feel like crap
Feb. 17th, 2003 12:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mousmeI am sick. I'm not sure if it's indigestion due to the massive amounts of fruit salad I ingested, or whether I'm just developing some kind of weird stress–related stomach thing, but it is unpleasant.
I won't bore (and possibly squick) you with the details of my plumbing problems, but suffice it to say I hope it goes away very soon. I don't want to spend the week chucking up at work, or tear the lining of my esophagus again and land myself in the hospital once more to be pumped full of fluids.
Lack of adequate sleep also not a happy thing. I had a marvellous time at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
joane and shenlo's Valentine's Day Detox, to the point where I stayed behind ostensibly to help clean up, but it was really because I didn't want the evening to end. I even got to cut the bleeding Valentine heart cake, although in retrospect I think maybe KS should have had a go at it. Poor guy really sounds like he's having a rough time with his own breakup, and it sounds disturbingly similar to mine in some respects. *twitch*
I slept badly because of course I'd left my insomnia pills at home, but I actually slept, which was encouraging. Maybe I'm getting over that, slowly but surely. *crosses fingers*
Watched a few episodes of Forever Knight withjoane this morning, had a leisurely breakfast with her and shenlo, and then scooted off to visit the Parental Units with a boatload of fruit salad: I had misevaluated the amount of food that would be available at the party, and thus made far too much salad which, while really good, was overkill with the chicken and the roast and the chicken and the truffles and the cake and the chips and the salsa and the liquor and the soft drinks and... you get the idea. ;)
Much fun was had.
I finally took home The Revenge of the Incredible Doctor Rancid and His Youthful Assistant, Jeffrey, which is the book that allowed me to survive four years of hell in elementary school. If you've ever been bullied at school, or know a kid who's been bullied, this is the book to recommend. It's smart, sarcastic, compassionate and written from the perspective of a skinny kid who gets picked on by a much larger bully and escapes his everyday hell by writing fanciful spy stories in which he's the hero and the bully is his archnemesis.
I also borrowed No Fat Chicks, which I read this afternoon. I agree withjoane that the author has a few axes to grind, and her pet statistic about the mortality rate due to diet-related reasons being 150 times greater than of AIDS (emphasis hers) is really annoying by the time she repeats it for the fifth time in about three or four chapters in a row. We get the point already, lady!
Otherwise, what can I say but damn. In a good way. ;)
I'm going to have to sit down and do some serious thinking about what it is exactly that has caused me to hate the way I look for the last... *counts*... fourteen years of my life. That's more than half of my existence on earth, and coincided with prepubescence and, nicely enough, the beginning of the "true" bullying at school (when it went beyond teasing and became physical). I used the quotation marks because the teasing and ostracism hurt just as much, if not more, than the beatings.
Lounged around with the Parental Units all day, did some hand-holding, some UN peacekeeping stuff, watched television with my father for the first time in years: first a Nature documentary on PBS for which the script was really patronising, and we both got annoyed. My parents and I for years would sit down at eight sharp to watch Nature and then Murder, She Wrote, and later, Masterpiece Theatre. Which, we discovered tonight is now ExxonMobil Masterpiece Theatre, which almost made me cry.
The show itself was really good, although momentarily the name escapes me. Oh, I got it: Foyle's War. Solid British whodunnit-style, BBC production, WGBH cooperation, done with the usual British flair for period pieces and really great character acting. Set in a small town at the beginning of WWII. Good stuff. Highly recommended for amateurs of the genre. My one annoyance was that the resolution was annoyingly quick compared to the slow but excellently-paced build-up. It was as though someone looked at their watch and said: "Holy crap! This is a two-hour special, and we've only got thirteen minutes left for the resolution! But we can't slash anything before that, no, of course... so let's cobble together a plausible but completely unexpected ending and tack it on! That's the ticket!" But the rest of the show more than made up for it. I suspect it would have been a lot better if there had been fewer red herrings in the whole business. It would have saved time.
I am, not inexplicably, dead tired. I think I may end up going into hermit mode at this stage in my life. Not sure why, but I've been feeling oversocialised and overwhelmed, and while part of me longs to be with people and thus be reassured that they still think I'm okay and not utterly vile to be around, another part of me just wants to hide in my closet for the next year.
A lot of it has to do with work, I'm sure. I'm still overstressed about that, even though I'm trying hard not to be. I really want another job, but at the same time I'm terrified of being revealed as a total fraud, of finding out I'm not really a good translator, not really good at anything, including customer service. Or at least, not good at sales. Because then that little voice at the back of my mind pipes up and asks: "And then what, smartass? You felt too good for a job you can barely handle, and now you've been revealed as a fraud and no one's ever going to hire you ever again! You failed."
*sigh*
More rambling tomorrow, I assume. I'm going to try to be up at a reasonable hour so I can get my iron prescription refilled. Damn these things for not being prescribed at the same time so I can keep track of them! *grr*
I won't bore (and possibly squick) you with the details of my plumbing problems, but suffice it to say I hope it goes away very soon. I don't want to spend the week chucking up at work, or tear the lining of my esophagus again and land myself in the hospital once more to be pumped full of fluids.
Lack of adequate sleep also not a happy thing. I had a marvellous time at
joane and shenlo's Valentine's Day Detox, to the point where I stayed behind ostensibly to help clean up, but it was really because I didn't want the evening to end. I even got to cut the bleeding Valentine heart cake, although in retrospect I think maybe KS should have had a go at it. Poor guy really sounds like he's having a rough time with his own breakup, and it sounds disturbingly similar to mine in some respects. *twitch*I slept badly because of course I'd left my insomnia pills at home, but I actually slept, which was encouraging. Maybe I'm getting over that, slowly but surely. *crosses fingers*
Watched a few episodes of Forever Knight with
joane this morning, had a leisurely breakfast with her and shenlo, and then scooted off to visit the Parental Units with a boatload of fruit salad: I had misevaluated the amount of food that would be available at the party, and thus made far too much salad which, while really good, was overkill with the chicken and the roast and the chicken and the truffles and the cake and the chips and the salsa and the liquor and the soft drinks and... you get the idea. ;)Much fun was had.
I finally took home The Revenge of the Incredible Doctor Rancid and His Youthful Assistant, Jeffrey, which is the book that allowed me to survive four years of hell in elementary school. If you've ever been bullied at school, or know a kid who's been bullied, this is the book to recommend. It's smart, sarcastic, compassionate and written from the perspective of a skinny kid who gets picked on by a much larger bully and escapes his everyday hell by writing fanciful spy stories in which he's the hero and the bully is his archnemesis.
I also borrowed No Fat Chicks, which I read this afternoon. I agree with
joane that the author has a few axes to grind, and her pet statistic about the mortality rate due to diet-related reasons being 150 times greater than of AIDS (emphasis hers) is really annoying by the time she repeats it for the fifth time in about three or four chapters in a row. We get the point already, lady!Otherwise, what can I say but damn. In a good way. ;)
I'm going to have to sit down and do some serious thinking about what it is exactly that has caused me to hate the way I look for the last... *counts*... fourteen years of my life. That's more than half of my existence on earth, and coincided with prepubescence and, nicely enough, the beginning of the "true" bullying at school (when it went beyond teasing and became physical). I used the quotation marks because the teasing and ostracism hurt just as much, if not more, than the beatings.
Lounged around with the Parental Units all day, did some hand-holding, some UN peacekeeping stuff, watched television with my father for the first time in years: first a Nature documentary on PBS for which the script was really patronising, and we both got annoyed. My parents and I for years would sit down at eight sharp to watch Nature and then Murder, She Wrote, and later, Masterpiece Theatre. Which, we discovered tonight is now ExxonMobil Masterpiece Theatre, which almost made me cry.
The show itself was really good, although momentarily the name escapes me. Oh, I got it: Foyle's War. Solid British whodunnit-style, BBC production, WGBH cooperation, done with the usual British flair for period pieces and really great character acting. Set in a small town at the beginning of WWII. Good stuff. Highly recommended for amateurs of the genre. My one annoyance was that the resolution was annoyingly quick compared to the slow but excellently-paced build-up. It was as though someone looked at their watch and said: "Holy crap! This is a two-hour special, and we've only got thirteen minutes left for the resolution! But we can't slash anything before that, no, of course... so let's cobble together a plausible but completely unexpected ending and tack it on! That's the ticket!" But the rest of the show more than made up for it. I suspect it would have been a lot better if there had been fewer red herrings in the whole business. It would have saved time.
I am, not inexplicably, dead tired. I think I may end up going into hermit mode at this stage in my life. Not sure why, but I've been feeling oversocialised and overwhelmed, and while part of me longs to be with people and thus be reassured that they still think I'm okay and not utterly vile to be around, another part of me just wants to hide in my closet for the next year.
A lot of it has to do with work, I'm sure. I'm still overstressed about that, even though I'm trying hard not to be. I really want another job, but at the same time I'm terrified of being revealed as a total fraud, of finding out I'm not really a good translator, not really good at anything, including customer service. Or at least, not good at sales. Because then that little voice at the back of my mind pipes up and asks: "And then what, smartass? You felt too good for a job you can barely handle, and now you've been revealed as a fraud and no one's ever going to hire you ever again! You failed."
*sigh*
More rambling tomorrow, I assume. I'm going to try to be up at a reasonable hour so I can get my iron prescription refilled. Damn these things for not being prescribed at the same time so I can keep track of them! *grr*
