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Today seems to be a day for rants
There's a girl on my shift at work, with whom I get along quite well. I get along with everyone on my shift, actually. (Can we see the "but" coming a mile away? I know I can.)
WARNING: I'm not cutting this post. It contains a rant about weight, weight-loss, and generally triggery weight-related things. Caveat emptor.
She's applying to be an RCMP officer. This is great, and we're all very happy for her. She's been training very very hard and watching what she eats and studying like mad so she'll pass the entrance examination and the very grueling physical part of the application process.
Tonight one of the night-shift girls brought in a bag of two-bite brownies, and offered them around. RCMP girl, paying attention to her diet/whatever, declined. Her physical is next Thursday, so no one batted an eye. I, on the other hand, am fond of two-bite brownies, and had one. Her reaction?
"Oh my God, Daphné! Do you know how many calories that's got? Don't eat that!"
I ate the brownie. (For the record, I checked the label, it has 180 calories in it) For whatever reason, she's been harping at me all week about what I eat.
"Another frozen dinner, Daphné? Don't you know those things are bad for you? I gained twelve pounds eating those!"
"You shouldn't eat those yogurts. You should eat the fat-free ones with low sugar!"
Etc.
The thing is, she doesn't do this with anyone else in the office. I think that, like many well-meaning health nuts, she has decided that Something Must Be Done about the fact that I'm fat. I think that, somewhere in her head, she has decided that I must somehow not know that I'm fat, and that I must be helped to see the light. I also think she has a slightly skewed vision of what being fat is. She is about 5'5" and probably in the neighbourhood of 140lbs, but she describes herself as "big." She's in excellent physical condition and in pretty good health, apart from some back problems, but she's obsessing about losing an extra five pounds. She works out five days a week at her gym, for two to three hours at a stretch.
You know what? I am not blind, nor am I stupid. I own a mirror, and I know what size I buy when I go clothes shopping. It is not news to me that I am fat. I have known this ever since I started being fat sixteen years ago. Since adolescence, I have never not been fat. I was a skinny kid, a fat teenager, and now I'm a fat adult.
What I don't need is for some skinny chick who knows nothing about me or my life to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing (or eating!) based solely on the way I look. What's worse is that she appears to be contagious, since another of the night shift girls is now asking me every day if I've been to the gym or not (she, too, not entirely coincidentally, is trying out for the RCMP).
ARGH!
It has taken me a good ten years to get to the point where I am comfortable with who I am. I spent years and years and years feeling awkward and ugly, and listening to whispers and sniggers and outright jeers and insults, not to mention the kindly-meant but patronizing advice which was sometimes not-so-kindly-meant from thin people who thought they were superior just because they were thin. I am at a point now where I can look in the mirror and not see an ugly fat girl, but where I see myself, with all my good points as well as my flaws. I still have days when I'm more insecure than others, but on the whole I like who I am and how I look.
I have had enough of being patronized by people who think they know me better than I know myself. Here are a couple of phrases for which I wish I had a nickel for every time someone said them to me:
"You'd be so pretty if only you lost all that weight!"
"You'd feel so much better/healthier if you lost weight!"
"All it takes is a little willpower. If you want it enough, you can lose weight."
"Oh, looks don't really matter, as long as you have a great personality!"
(For the record, I have a lousy personality. I'm sarcastic and nasty, and I kick and I bite. So there. :P)
Now that I've got this out of my system, I feel the need to add a disclaimer. I do NOT dislike thin people. I like people of all sizes. What I dislike is people who presume to know what's best for me based simply on my looks.
I long ago got out of the habit of retorting "you're too skinny" to people, regardless of whether or not it might be true. I understand that skinny people have just as many problems as fat people, although I highly doubt that they face the same degree of everyday prejudice that fat people do. The worst that will come out of my mouth these days to an overly thin friend will be along the lines of "You look like you've lost some weight. Is everything ok?"
By the same token, I am NOT advocating being fat. I am not advocating ANY type of weight or body type. For the love of God, is it that hard to just let people be healthy on their own terms?
Gah.
WARNING: I'm not cutting this post. It contains a rant about weight, weight-loss, and generally triggery weight-related things. Caveat emptor.
She's applying to be an RCMP officer. This is great, and we're all very happy for her. She's been training very very hard and watching what she eats and studying like mad so she'll pass the entrance examination and the very grueling physical part of the application process.
Tonight one of the night-shift girls brought in a bag of two-bite brownies, and offered them around. RCMP girl, paying attention to her diet/whatever, declined. Her physical is next Thursday, so no one batted an eye. I, on the other hand, am fond of two-bite brownies, and had one. Her reaction?
"Oh my God, Daphné! Do you know how many calories that's got? Don't eat that!"
I ate the brownie. (For the record, I checked the label, it has 180 calories in it) For whatever reason, she's been harping at me all week about what I eat.
"Another frozen dinner, Daphné? Don't you know those things are bad for you? I gained twelve pounds eating those!"
"You shouldn't eat those yogurts. You should eat the fat-free ones with low sugar!"
Etc.
The thing is, she doesn't do this with anyone else in the office. I think that, like many well-meaning health nuts, she has decided that Something Must Be Done about the fact that I'm fat. I think that, somewhere in her head, she has decided that I must somehow not know that I'm fat, and that I must be helped to see the light. I also think she has a slightly skewed vision of what being fat is. She is about 5'5" and probably in the neighbourhood of 140lbs, but she describes herself as "big." She's in excellent physical condition and in pretty good health, apart from some back problems, but she's obsessing about losing an extra five pounds. She works out five days a week at her gym, for two to three hours at a stretch.
You know what? I am not blind, nor am I stupid. I own a mirror, and I know what size I buy when I go clothes shopping. It is not news to me that I am fat. I have known this ever since I started being fat sixteen years ago. Since adolescence, I have never not been fat. I was a skinny kid, a fat teenager, and now I'm a fat adult.
What I don't need is for some skinny chick who knows nothing about me or my life to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing (or eating!) based solely on the way I look. What's worse is that she appears to be contagious, since another of the night shift girls is now asking me every day if I've been to the gym or not (she, too, not entirely coincidentally, is trying out for the RCMP).
ARGH!
It has taken me a good ten years to get to the point where I am comfortable with who I am. I spent years and years and years feeling awkward and ugly, and listening to whispers and sniggers and outright jeers and insults, not to mention the kindly-meant but patronizing advice which was sometimes not-so-kindly-meant from thin people who thought they were superior just because they were thin. I am at a point now where I can look in the mirror and not see an ugly fat girl, but where I see myself, with all my good points as well as my flaws. I still have days when I'm more insecure than others, but on the whole I like who I am and how I look.
I have had enough of being patronized by people who think they know me better than I know myself. Here are a couple of phrases for which I wish I had a nickel for every time someone said them to me:
"You'd be so pretty if only you lost all that weight!"
"You'd feel so much better/healthier if you lost weight!"
"All it takes is a little willpower. If you want it enough, you can lose weight."
"Oh, looks don't really matter, as long as you have a great personality!"
(For the record, I have a lousy personality. I'm sarcastic and nasty, and I kick and I bite. So there. :P)
Now that I've got this out of my system, I feel the need to add a disclaimer. I do NOT dislike thin people. I like people of all sizes. What I dislike is people who presume to know what's best for me based simply on my looks.
I long ago got out of the habit of retorting "you're too skinny" to people, regardless of whether or not it might be true. I understand that skinny people have just as many problems as fat people, although I highly doubt that they face the same degree of everyday prejudice that fat people do. The worst that will come out of my mouth these days to an overly thin friend will be along the lines of "You look like you've lost some weight. Is everything ok?"
By the same token, I am NOT advocating being fat. I am not advocating ANY type of weight or body type. For the love of God, is it that hard to just let people be healthy on their own terms?
Gah.
no subject
Cripes. And here I thought *I* was doing well going to the gym four times a week for an hour... :-P
Actually, she must be overtraining. Yeah, that's it. ^_^
Um, anyway; I like the first link in
As to the whole issue; on the one hand, I can understand this person being acutely aware of how many calories there are in various foods, and wanting to share that knowledge. On the other hand, it's insensitive at best for her not to realize that constantly harping on it to you is pretty insulting.
As for those other comments — they're just rude, no matter how well intentioned they're intended to be. And no, parents do not get a free pass on this.
no subject
I know what you mean about understanding why she's acutely aware of calories/other random details about food. I also understand the desire to share her knowledge. However, I draw the line there. Being told "Don't eat that!" is stepping over the line.
See, I am an adult, and able to make decisions on my own about what I put in my mouth. Just as I wouldn't presume to tell her what to eat (she eats a tin of sardines every day, for crying out loud!), I expect her to extend the same courtesy to me.
The other comments make me foam at the mouth. My mother stopped making them when I started university and made it clear to her that saying things like that was no longer acceptable.
What I find insulting is that there seems to be an underlying assumption that if you're fat, it's because you don't know any better, or are stupid/lazy/slovenly/etc. People who are either thin, or who have lost a great deal of weight, often feel that they need to go on a crusade to get other people to be thin as well.
I once had a young girl (probably around sixteen) come up to me on the street out of the blue and tell me: "You shouldn't eat so much! You're way too fat!" As though 1) she knew everything about my diet and exercise habits, and 2) it was her place to "educate" me about these things.
That she was a good eight years my junior at the time and had no business whatsoever making that kind of comment clearly never occurred to her. I was so nonplussed that I simply gaped at her while she went back to her group of giggling cohorts. I don't know if it was a dare, or if she really thought she was doing me a favour, but either way, I was flabbergasted.
Anyway, I think I may have ranted enough on the topic for now.