I give up.

[mousme]

Isn't hubris a great word?

The computer is dead. I'm going to see how much it'll cost to get fixed this weekend, *if* it can be fixed.

I didn't get my texts backed up in time before it died. So all 36,700 words of my novel are as good as gone, as are all 52,000 words of my serial, and everything else I had on the computer. Poof.

I'm taking this as a sign. I'm obviously not meant to write. I'm obviously not meant to have anything that gives me pleasure or a sense of accomplishment. So, I give up.

I wish this had happened before I bought the materials for a new writing project, but whatever. Chalk it up to experience and move on. I can always give the stuff to someone who needs it.

To the people of Bluebook: I'll try to honour my committments from work, but as you know that's unreliable. I may have to retire all my characters except for Bradshaw, since I probably won't have time to write more than one character. I'd retire from the game entirely, but CS1 has had enough problems with their COs that I don't want to leave you guys in the lurch again.

I'm sorry if I'm disappointing anyone else. That's just the way things go, I guess. I forgot for a while there that I'm not allowed to make Plans.

I'm just supposed to plod along steadily in one dead-end job after another until the day I die, chasing my financial tail. Fulfilment is for other people.

I'm not even sad or angry at this point. I'm just sort of numb.

Comments

[owldaughter.livejournal.com]

Gods, no, Phnee; we know enough computer gurus to be able to extract your data. We may even be able to just pull out the hard drive and stick it into another machine. Do not panic. Mourn, yes, but mourn Cleo, not your work and words.

Never, never think you were not meant to write. Ever.

And I have a laptop here for you to use for as long as you need it. I'll drop it off at your place tomorrow.

[ai731.livejournal.com]

There's a spare laptop here too, you can pick it up when you get home from work today if you like. And ditto what Arin said about the data being recoverable. It almost certainly is.

I know you're kicking yourself for not having backed-up despite reminders. We screw up sometimes. We're human. Cut yourself some slack, you deserve it. Really. I mean that. You have had a fantastic month of writing so far. You are on course to finish this NaNo and you're going to finish it.

[rowen26.livejournal.com]

Not meant to write?

So you mean that all you have written, you didn't enjoy doing it? It was a painful process that you had to do at gun point?

Poppycock!!!

Your computer died. That's awful in itself, but it's just a tool. And certainly no sign. I have had many computers die on me. It's electronics, not fate. ;)
That hasn't made me stop drawing. Nor should it make you stop writing. There is always pen and paper.

I understand though that it's painful to have work "gone forever". I hope you can find ways to extract at least part of it from the guts of your computer. I'm very sorry for that. *hugs* I've lost some drawings forever.

And if you give up writing because of that, I will march right up there and kick you in the shin. >:P

[ashforestwalker.livejournal.com]

Phnee, don't you dare stop writing and creating. Like Owldaughter said we know lots of computer gurus that can fix anything. They have saved my ass a few times. I'm sure if we all but together the extra computer part we have you could have a new machine this weekend.

I've read your stuff and I've heard you drum, Your good. I for one would like to hear and read more.

Bear Hugs all around.
HRH

[elanya.livejournal.com]

As everyone else said.... don't give up on your data! Also look at all your amazing friends offering you computers :o Don't let this set back make you too negative :)

[elanya.livejournal.com]

Also, you did get *some* work saved last night, even if it is only about, what, a third of your novel? Your serial is archived on LJ also, but you may have more written and not posted, I dunno. I really enjoy you're writing though, so don't stop ;_;

~Always look on the birght side of life!~

[many-angled-one.livejournal.com]

Depending on whats wrong with it you should get everything back easily. As long as its not your actual hard disk that broke (unlikely but it does happen)it should just be a matter of pluging the hard disk into somebody elses computer alongide their drive and copying the data across.

I hope to god its not your hard drive as I know how I would feel losing all my stories (makes plans to back it all up now)

What exactly happened to it?

[mousme.livejournal.com]

I don't *think* it's the hard drive. I hope to God it's not the hard drive. I've heard a hard drive do the "Click of Death" in the past, when my cat knocked my laptop off the table. Lost all my data then too. I seem to have a two-year cycle with my computers before they crap out on me in some way.

I lets me boot up, then the screen goes wonky and does the Plaid Stripes of Doom thing and won't let me do anything except do a hard shut down.

[many-angled-one.livejournal.com]

Sounds like Graphics card/graphics drivers have gone a bit wonky to me.

Try booting up in safe mode with it and if you can get in ok then thats what it probably is (plus you will get access to your files) usually you get in by pressing F8 repeatedly on bootup until it gives you a menu with the choice to log in as safe mode. (just in case you didnt already know that)

[mousme.livejournal.com]

On a Mac?

Sorry, I am Teh Ignorant with computers. :P

[many-angled-one.livejournal.com]

a Mac...oh bugger.

Safe mode on a mac can be accessed by starting it while holding down the shift key (I think).

[mousme.livejournal.com]

I shall give that a shot when I get home. Thanks! :)

This is a temporary setback, no more...

[fearsclave.livejournal.com]

...if you haven't already got your laptop back, I'll try and hook you up with EKH, who was able to completely cure my machine when the guys at the Technocracy could only shrug in dismay...

Re: This is a temporary setback, no more...

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Dude, could you? Does EKH deal with Macs at all?

[joane.livejournal.com]

Listen to the folks above. That, and you have a mission to run for SG15, missy. Don't think you get to bail after scoring your promotion. Do you know how many times Rich has lost *everything* on his computer, through format errors and backup corruptions? At least three times since I've known him... or possibly three times that he's /admitted/ to. :P

Computers suck, but they're fixable. And if them crashing is a sign of anything, then we'd have had the apocalypse back in the 70s.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

SG15?

I'm staying around to run the mission for CS1, so don't worry there. I'll try to keep up for SG4, but it'll be harder from work.

I'll do my best, anyway.

[joane.livejournal.com]

SG4. I'm a moron.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Enh. We have so many teams to keep track of. I can barely keep them straight myself. :P

[shenlo.livejournal.com]

Yeah, about three.

[talyesin.livejournal.com]

You've said often enough how much you enjoy and admire my writing. You even dressed up as one of my characters for a costume party.

Does it help at all to know that I enjoy and admire YOUR writing? Weird creepy-ass western, how cool is that? Handled deftly and skillfully BY YOU.

I understand self-pity. I do. Trust me. I was not always the smooth confident word-warrior I am today. Ask Arin and t! how bad I was, if you don't believe me.

THIS IS SELF-PITY. STOP.

You are a writer. You couldn't give up writing if someone paid you to stop.

Yes it sucks you don't have a backup. Deal.

[luvenditti.livejournal.com]

DON'T YOU DARE!!!! Don't you DARE give up writing! I refuse to allow it, and will personally come to your house and MAKE YOU! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME! Writing and shitty computer is NOT the same!

[foi-nefaste.livejournal.com]

Don't you DARE give up.

First of all. Data can be retrieved. Look into that. And DON'T give up on writing. The failures of electronics aren't deeply meaningful - if they were, I'd have quit school the first time my computer crashed at the end of a semester. Seriously - have SOME hope.

... Also, I do believe this might require beer/coffee/company of various sorts.

Second. I have my laptop, but I kept my desktop. And, y'know, haven't used it in weeks. So if you want to borrow that for however long you'll need a computer, seriously, the offer is open.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

Oh, hon!

Oh, man. *hugs lots and lots* I'm so sorry that this happened to you.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

I've declared today International Back Up Your Hard Drive day. A friend of mine did this a couple years ago when my computer crashed sans backup. Hopefully, even if you can't get your data back (hugs you hard), this'll prompt others to make sure they don't lose theirs too.

I'm so sorry, Phnee. I know this is really upsetting.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

At least *someone* will profit from my misfortune. :P

[griffen.livejournal.com]

There's a suggestion for you in the comments to my LJ post.

All right. That's enough of that noise!

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

I'm appalled to learn the fate of your machine. You have my deepest sympathy. I would encourage you to do some more checking into the problem before surrendering to despair. I realize that distraught right now, and understandably so, but I urge you to reevaluate your assessment of your situation as soon as possible. If you're going to talk like this about quitting, I'm going to have to join the Committee to Go to Canada and Spank Some Sense Into Phnee. I hate snow. Don't make me come up there! ; ) If you want to write, then it IS what you were meant to do. Frankly though, I don't think it's in you to stop writing. You have too many good ideas that you want to get into print.

[elanya.livejournal.com]

If you want, you can blame the stars! One of the boards I frequent has a bunch of astrology buffs on it, who explain that mercury is in retrograde, which means that all technology type stuff is extra likely to fail. Lots of people seem to be having issues lately. Or at least, more than usual are noticing/reporting problems in response to being told this...

I just remembered that ;)

[mousme.livejournal.com]

*dies*

Really? I was just making a snarky comment to someone about Mercury being retrograde, but I was kidding. :P

[elanya.livejournal.com]

hee! 's true :D

[ajpursell.livejournal.com]

what flavor of mac?

[mousme.livejournal.com]

iBook, in the G3 generation, if I'm not mistaken. I know slightly more than diddly about computers, sadly.

I just spoke to the little man at Mac 911, and he says it sounds like a common problem with those computers which makes the logic card (or whatever it's called) go haywire.

[ajpursell.livejournal.com]

the white or the colorful clamshell?

If it's the logic card, someone with the right tools should be able to remove the hard drive, put it in a firewire or usb box and give you an external hard drive with your data on it.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

The white one.

And yay!

[baronscartop.livejournal.com]

Okay, has the initial shock passed now? Good. Emotions in check? No? Understandable. But better, at least? Okay, good enough.

> So all 36,700 words of my novel are as good as gone,

False.
10 000 are on Secret History; the rest will be recovered.

> as are all 52,000 words of my serial,

False.
See Secret History. As many of us do, often.

> and everything else I had on the computer.

False.
Your SG stuff is saved elsewhere, plus your data will be recovered. From what I can see, your problem looks like a video card issue.

> I'm obviously not meant to write.

False.

False.

False.


See, because you were kicking ass this year. And I'm not just talking November. Then you hit a snag. This is actually pretty cool, because it means that when you regroup and push right back, you're always going to remember this as the month They tried to fuck you, and you kicked their ass.

t!

[mousme.livejournal.com]

You know, when you made that "post your war stories" thread in the NaNo forums, I had the temerity to say that I had none.

Guess the fates decided to teach me to never say never.

Gah.

However, the problem seems fixable. I have had tea. Things are, if not under control, at least not quite as dire as they seemed.

Jesus H. Christ on a fucking pogo stick, did I not need this now.

I hear Mercury is actually in retrograde, all snarky jokes from me aside. I am *very* tempted to blame this on the stars. Tempted.

[striped.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how that feels.

If it consoles you the least bit, the renowned (well, renowned around here) Finnish author Pirkko Saisio lost the entirety of her latest novel somewhere on 2002, I think, when her computer crashed, and she had to write it all over again. The book then won the Finlandia prize, the highest literary prize in Finland.

Cue the Kate Bush song:

[thothmeister.livejournal.com]

"Don't give up"

It's a suck situation, but it's also one heard from several sources on NaNo.

On two occasions over a 5-year period, for a total of half a year (4 months, then two), my writing arm was pretty much useless, and I was basically one-armed.

I also had writing deadlines.

Another person would have just blown off those deadlines, maybe used a disability as an excuse to. Not me. I continued to type one-handed. I was slower, but still made it.

If I can be stubborn enough to get things done because I want to, despite Fate making them difficult, then so can you.

The situation stinks, and it may take some extra work to get passed it, but if you want to then you will.

[x-mass.livejournal.com]

akkkk no!!!!
what ever you don't give up writing
you may be able to get the info back through a data recovery company any how