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On explaining privilege
I keep coming back to RaceFail09. I really wish I wasn't, but it's troubling me, for obvious reasons, and not-so-obvious reasons.
I am not going to try to unpack the invisible knapsack here. I'm just thinking out loud.
Okay, so I am what the Intarwebs would consider a PWC (Privileged White Chick). So far, so good. I am also a lesbian. That makes me both a woman and homosexual. Still with me? Good.
This means that I get the dubious privilege of explaining privilege to those around me who are either not women, or not homosexual, or neither of the above. I get questions on the topic of GLBT issues all the time, especially when I start a new job/meet someone new/enter a new situation. Essentially, I spend a lot of time coming out to people, and then explaining What It All Means. Whether I like it or not, people assume that I am somehow the Official Representative of the Local GLBT Community (which is totally not the case, and I usually try to explain this right off the bat, as part of my little GLBT 101 spiel).
Clicking on a lot of links in the Epic Debate Fail Of Doom, I am coming across a plethora of posts by self-described PoCs (People of Colour), who are righteously annoyed at having to explain themselves to the PWPs (Privileged White People) who ask them for information/clarification/cluebats/etc. Some have downright been foaming at the mouth.
Okay. So I get that this is annoying/frustrating/makes you want to tear your hair out by the roots/possibly commit vehicular manslaughter after particularly stupid-seeming questions. I get it, I do. If one more person asks me if I would choose to be straight if I were given the opportunity, I may not be held responsible for my actions.
That being said, I feel that it is important for me to do this anyway, regardless of what my feelings are on the subject. Yes, it's annoying when someone proclaims that their good friend/cousin/mailmain/busboy is gay and that's totally fine with them, and it's annoying that they seem to want a pat and a cookie for it. But you know what?
They're not going to educate themselves.
It's as simple as that, really. If we, the People Lacking $Privilege, don't say: "You are mistaken in your assumption, and here's why," they are never, ever going to get it. No way, no how. I'm not suggesting that we need to deliver a three-hour multimedia presentation on the ins and outs of privilege, and spoon-feed it to them. But give them something, for crying out loud!
PWPs, myself included, are far from immune from asking really stupid questions to which we honestly don't have the answer. From my perspective, when I ask a stupid question, it's okay to look at me as though I just grew antlers (although my feelings will be hurt, I have yet to die from that particular affliction), but then I would very much like to be told why my question was stupid. It was asked in good faith, and a good faith answer would be appreciated. Even if it's an answer along the lines of: "That question isn't relevant/is stupid, and I don't have the time/energy/capacity to explain it to you in full, but some research in $Place is a good place to start."
Yes, it's tiresome. No, we shouldn't have to do it. No, each individual should not have to suddenly be the representative of $Group to which they belong. It sucks. Absolutely. Nonetheless, it's the reality of the situation, and at the very least the PWPs ought to be encouraged to move past those first tentative steps they're taking, to take the initiative and go out and educate themselves. First steps aren't enough, but if they get whacked on the head with the You-Are-Privileged-And-Therefore-Wrong-Forever Stick, then they're going to pull back into their shell and never come out again, and now it's a lost cause. First steps don't deserve a cookie, but they don't deserve a beatdown, either.
Oh, and while I can fully understand that that last paragraph is essentially an argument about tone, please rest assured that I am not trying to say "If only people had been more civil/polite/less hateful/whatever attribute you please, then this terrible misunderstanding would never have happened," because of course that's patently not true. Maybe the debate would have taken on a different form, and that form would likely have been equally filled with fail on both sides. I'm just lamenting the fact that many people (the aforementioned PWPs) are going to come away from this angry, more confused than ever, and less willing to learn.
I keep swearing I'm done with this, but then I come back and poke at it some more, so I'm no longer going to promise anything. :P
:::ETA:::
I have apparently been linked into![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rydra_wong's Linkspam of Doom thing.
So, dear New People Following The Fail To My LJ, I feel compelled to lay down a ground rule, should you want to comment.
Don't be an asshat.
This means no flaming, no personal attacks, no mudslinging, no outing people. Post in good faith, and with an open mind. Wait ten minutes before typing your responses, if you must. If you're still mad, then wait ten more minutes.
My friends (LJ and RL) are a varied bunch, with a wide range of experiences and opinions. The one thing they have in common in this LJ is respect of my space. I would ask that you also show this respect in your posts. (So far so good, btw.)
If you don't follow this one rule, I will ban you summarily, no questions asked.
I am not going to try to unpack the invisible knapsack here. I'm just thinking out loud.
Okay, so I am what the Intarwebs would consider a PWC (Privileged White Chick). So far, so good. I am also a lesbian. That makes me both a woman and homosexual. Still with me? Good.
This means that I get the dubious privilege of explaining privilege to those around me who are either not women, or not homosexual, or neither of the above. I get questions on the topic of GLBT issues all the time, especially when I start a new job/meet someone new/enter a new situation. Essentially, I spend a lot of time coming out to people, and then explaining What It All Means. Whether I like it or not, people assume that I am somehow the Official Representative of the Local GLBT Community (which is totally not the case, and I usually try to explain this right off the bat, as part of my little GLBT 101 spiel).
Clicking on a lot of links in the Epic Debate Fail Of Doom, I am coming across a plethora of posts by self-described PoCs (People of Colour), who are righteously annoyed at having to explain themselves to the PWPs (Privileged White People) who ask them for information/clarification/cluebats/etc. Some have downright been foaming at the mouth.
Okay. So I get that this is annoying/frustrating/makes you want to tear your hair out by the roots/possibly commit vehicular manslaughter after particularly stupid-seeming questions. I get it, I do. If one more person asks me if I would choose to be straight if I were given the opportunity, I may not be held responsible for my actions.
That being said, I feel that it is important for me to do this anyway, regardless of what my feelings are on the subject. Yes, it's annoying when someone proclaims that their good friend/cousin/mailmain/busboy is gay and that's totally fine with them, and it's annoying that they seem to want a pat and a cookie for it. But you know what?
They're not going to educate themselves.
It's as simple as that, really. If we, the People Lacking $Privilege, don't say: "You are mistaken in your assumption, and here's why," they are never, ever going to get it. No way, no how. I'm not suggesting that we need to deliver a three-hour multimedia presentation on the ins and outs of privilege, and spoon-feed it to them. But give them something, for crying out loud!
PWPs, myself included, are far from immune from asking really stupid questions to which we honestly don't have the answer. From my perspective, when I ask a stupid question, it's okay to look at me as though I just grew antlers (although my feelings will be hurt, I have yet to die from that particular affliction), but then I would very much like to be told why my question was stupid. It was asked in good faith, and a good faith answer would be appreciated. Even if it's an answer along the lines of: "That question isn't relevant/is stupid, and I don't have the time/energy/capacity to explain it to you in full, but some research in $Place is a good place to start."
Yes, it's tiresome. No, we shouldn't have to do it. No, each individual should not have to suddenly be the representative of $Group to which they belong. It sucks. Absolutely. Nonetheless, it's the reality of the situation, and at the very least the PWPs ought to be encouraged to move past those first tentative steps they're taking, to take the initiative and go out and educate themselves. First steps aren't enough, but if they get whacked on the head with the You-Are-Privileged-And-Therefore-Wrong-Forever Stick, then they're going to pull back into their shell and never come out again, and now it's a lost cause. First steps don't deserve a cookie, but they don't deserve a beatdown, either.
Oh, and while I can fully understand that that last paragraph is essentially an argument about tone, please rest assured that I am not trying to say "If only people had been more civil/polite/less hateful/whatever attribute you please, then this terrible misunderstanding would never have happened," because of course that's patently not true. Maybe the debate would have taken on a different form, and that form would likely have been equally filled with fail on both sides. I'm just lamenting the fact that many people (the aforementioned PWPs) are going to come away from this angry, more confused than ever, and less willing to learn.
I keep swearing I'm done with this, but then I come back and poke at it some more, so I'm no longer going to promise anything. :P
:::ETA:::
I have apparently been linked into
rydra_wong's Linkspam of Doom thing.So, dear New People Following The Fail To My LJ, I feel compelled to lay down a ground rule, should you want to comment.
Don't be an asshat.
This means no flaming, no personal attacks, no mudslinging, no outing people. Post in good faith, and with an open mind. Wait ten minutes before typing your responses, if you must. If you're still mad, then wait ten more minutes.
My friends (LJ and RL) are a varied bunch, with a wide range of experiences and opinions. The one thing they have in common in this LJ is respect of my space. I would ask that you also show this respect in your posts. (So far so good, btw.)
If you don't follow this one rule, I will ban you summarily, no questions asked.
no subject
Generally, there are spaces especially set aside for beginners, for those just unpacking their $Privilege, where $Minority members or more clued-in $Privilege members have volunteered to shepherd and guide and maybe, in the case of $Minority members, answer those ever-so-annoying questions politely. 101 blogs (hi,
Coming into a safe space and asking clueless questions... not even going to touch that one. Coming into a specific discussion post and asking clueless questions derails the discussion, and is exceptionally frustrating when there *are* spaces set aside, essays written, tons and tons of information out there specifically addressed at the clueless $Privilege person who is trying to figure things out - and they decide to ask it HERE. In a way, the intentions don't matter at all - in end effect, they are derailing the discussion. They are making it about Insert-101-subject-here instead of the actual subject under discussion - which may often be quite complex and interesting and not hashed out in a thousand other places online, and in any case is what we all want to talk about at the moment. "Educate yourself!" doesn't mean "figure it all out yourself without help from other people", it means "*find* the places online where this discussion is appropriate, find the essays that deal with your question, and stop encroaching on this space, here, now, because this space is meant for other things", it means "with your current level of knowledge you are not capable of participating in this discussion without derailing it massively - you should go elsewhere if you still want to participate." A lot of times people even link them to places to start.
I also find that the whole idea of saying that minorities *should* educate the privileged group if they want things to get better to be deeply worrisome. As someone's put it further upthread, they generally get enough trouble - why can't privileged group take some responsibility for educating themselves for once? I also find it does go dangerously close to the tone argument, to blaming a minority member for losing patience. How dare they not play self-narrating zoo exhibit on demand? (Terminology borrowed from the autism community - I just love it so.)
no subject
2- I agree that there is a question of context. I will confess to not having followed this from the beginning, and so I am not sure whether this was a case of a more specific discussion getting derailed into 101 stuff, or just a case of massive fail on the part of a couple of the original posters, or whatever.
3- My post was originally a way for me to work out what was in my head, and one of the earlier comments by
As someone's put it further upthread, they generally get enough trouble - why can't privileged group take some responsibility for educating themselves for once? I also find it does go dangerously close to the tone argument, to blaming a minority member for losing patience.
I was trying very hard to avoid the tone argument. After all, people are entitled to lose their patience as they see fit, and having all the patience in the world won't make some people see the light, as it were. I don't think the privileged should sit back and expect to be spoon-fed the information, for that matter.
My problem was two-fold. 1) I was assuming that people were coming to the discussion in good faith. It has been pointed out to me that this isn't always the case. 2) I didn't quite understand the difference between asking to be pointed in the right direction, and asking people to play self-narrating zoo exhibit, to borrow your terminology. I was coming from the first position ("Where do I start?"), rather than the second ("tl;dr. Why can't you explain it to me, since you're $Minority?").
Self-Narrating Zoo Exhibit
I can't believe I haven't heard this before, and you can be sure it will become part of my permanent lexicon. Thank you.
Re: Self-Narrating Zoo Exhibit
no subject
It's not right, but it's the way it is. Part of the privilege they're lacking is the privilege of not having to do this thing.
On the other hand, that's a collective necessity, not an individual one, and one where allies can and should take part. Accordingly, in, say, the LiveJournal context, they have no obligation to educate every dumbass who asks a stupid question. "
(Whereas if they are asking the question in no context whatsoever, just demanding that Random PoC answer their questions solely because they have identified that person as ZOMG NOT WHITE, then the person in question should feel at liberty to express their displeasure at this rude and inappropriate behaviour in as full and frank measure as they feel inclined, obviously.)
Because with communities like that available, the 101 discussions can be handled by people who feel like they have the leisure and energy to expend on it, both among PoC and allies.
(Because even if you're a dedicated anti-racist ally, no-one has infinite time OR infinite energy, physical or emotional, and allies shouldn't feel like it has to be the only priority in their lives either. For example, among other problems, I personally have ADHD; in order for them to remain effective, I can only be under the effects of my medication for that for some of each day. I have a lot to get done in my Concentration Hours and cannot let my own life fall into ruin to help teach Racism 101, and I'm not capable of teaching it unmedicated. I can only get involved in this kind of thing if I have time. Neither my prioritisation of things like doing my university work nor the fact that some of the time I'm not spending helping fight racism I'm spending playing computer games and other trivial activities makes me Not An Ally, it makes me a person, who has her own things to deal with, just like any other person.)