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A little too prosaic
I sometimes wonder if I didn't break somewhere along the way, in an undefinable fashion. Either that, or I've got the heart of a romantic with the brain of a pragmatist.
I've never felt the whole love thing the way other people seem to. I don't get it. I am able to love, I know this, and I do feel things deeply, but I've never had that whole "If-you're-not-near-me-I-can't-breathe" thing. The people I love don't occupy all my waking thoughts. In fact, I can go for several days without thinking of them at all, except for the occasional fond moment, when I think: "Gosh, I bet [$Person] would get a kick out of this!"
Some of my friends have been saying things like it feels as though they've known each other forever, and they can't remember when they really met, and very nice things like that. It sounds nice, it truly does. I pretty much remember the times when I met all of my friends: first meetings are important to me, and so they stick in my mind.
As a corollary to this, a lot of my friends act around me as though we've been friends much longer than they have. They'll refer to things that happened years and years ago, when I wasn't even in the picture. It feels a little weird to tell them: "Actually, we weren't friends when that happened. I wasn't there." They are always surprised that I haven't been around forever.
I don't know why I have this mental disconnect: no one else seems to experience this, or if they do they never let on. I think I may have been raised to be a little too prosaic in my everyday dealings: True Love is great, but it happens in stories and to other people. Eternal Friendship? Same deal. Magical Abilities? Ditto.
Most of the time I'm happy to be a Muggle, and to simply smile and nod and be supportive of all my friends who seem to have this extra knowledge hanging around, but there are times when... I dunno, I get a bit wistful. Sometimes, I think it would be nice if I didn't have to work as hard to actually connect with people, if it could just come a little more naturally.
I've never felt the whole love thing the way other people seem to. I don't get it. I am able to love, I know this, and I do feel things deeply, but I've never had that whole "If-you're-not-near-me-I-can't-breathe" thing. The people I love don't occupy all my waking thoughts. In fact, I can go for several days without thinking of them at all, except for the occasional fond moment, when I think: "Gosh, I bet [$Person] would get a kick out of this!"
Some of my friends have been saying things like it feels as though they've known each other forever, and they can't remember when they really met, and very nice things like that. It sounds nice, it truly does. I pretty much remember the times when I met all of my friends: first meetings are important to me, and so they stick in my mind.
As a corollary to this, a lot of my friends act around me as though we've been friends much longer than they have. They'll refer to things that happened years and years ago, when I wasn't even in the picture. It feels a little weird to tell them: "Actually, we weren't friends when that happened. I wasn't there." They are always surprised that I haven't been around forever.
I don't know why I have this mental disconnect: no one else seems to experience this, or if they do they never let on. I think I may have been raised to be a little too prosaic in my everyday dealings: True Love is great, but it happens in stories and to other people. Eternal Friendship? Same deal. Magical Abilities? Ditto.
Most of the time I'm happy to be a Muggle, and to simply smile and nod and be supportive of all my friends who seem to have this extra knowledge hanging around, but there are times when... I dunno, I get a bit wistful. Sometimes, I think it would be nice if I didn't have to work as hard to actually connect with people, if it could just come a little more naturally.
no subject
"I have [experience the "If-you're-not-near-me-I-can't-breathe" thing]. . . but that's not love. It's infatuation, hormonal, and ephemeral at best. Real love, for me, is that soul-deep there-ness that comes with trust and devotion. The butterflies are part of it, and they ebb and flow over time and circumstance, but they're the icing and not the cake beneath."
Extremely well put, joanne.
I also experienced that infatuation/obsession thing when I was young, and it's fun (before it gets very not fun, which it always eventually does), but I feel that it's part crazy teenaged hormones gone crazy and part teenaged insecurity---like, a *lot* of insecurity. A mature love is all about security, about never ever doubting that you love that person and that they love you and that you can trust each other enough to, say, be apart for more than five minutes at a time!
That said, I am (still) extremely romantic about love, and feel that my relationship with my husband was fated and is magical and all that.
Friendships? Not so much. I love my friends, and feel I have a few lovely and close relationships with kindred spirits, but only really a few, and even with them I don't feel a need to, say, call them every day or see them even every week. I have never experienced the BFFL!! sort of relationship with a person who was not my husband. I do sometimes wish I had had that sort of intense close friendship in high school, because that kind of supportiveness could have helped me through some pretty hellish times, I think. Now, my emotional needs are pretty much fulfilled by my husband and children.