A little too prosaic

[mousme]

I sometimes wonder if I didn't break somewhere along the way, in an undefinable fashion. Either that, or I've got the heart of a romantic with the brain of a pragmatist.

I've never felt the whole love thing the way other people seem to. I don't get it. I am able to love, I know this, and I do feel things deeply, but I've never had that whole "If-you're-not-near-me-I-can't-breathe" thing. The people I love don't occupy all my waking thoughts. In fact, I can go for several days without thinking of them at all, except for the occasional fond moment, when I think: "Gosh, I bet [$Person] would get a kick out of this!"

Some of my friends have been saying things like it feels as though they've known each other forever, and they can't remember when they really met, and very nice things like that. It sounds nice, it truly does. I pretty much remember the times when I met all of my friends: first meetings are important to me, and so they stick in my mind.

As a corollary to this, a lot of my friends act around me as though we've been friends much longer than they have. They'll refer to things that happened years and years ago, when I wasn't even in the picture. It feels a little weird to tell them: "Actually, we weren't friends when that happened. I wasn't there." They are always surprised that I haven't been around forever.

I don't know why I have this mental disconnect: no one else seems to experience this, or if they do they never let on. I think I may have been raised to be a little too prosaic in my everyday dealings: True Love is great, but it happens in stories and to other people. Eternal Friendship? Same deal. Magical Abilities? Ditto.

Most of the time I'm happy to be a Muggle, and to simply smile and nod and be supportive of all my friends who seem to have this extra knowledge hanging around, but there are times when... I dunno, I get a bit wistful. Sometimes, I think it would be nice if I didn't have to work as hard to actually connect with people, if it could just come a little more naturally.

Comments

[bodhifox.livejournal.com]

True Love is great, but it happens in stories and to other people. Eternal Friendship? Same deal. Magical Abilities? Ditto.

One of my tasks as a parent is to make sure nothing forces my children to end up this way. Life is incredible. Life is magic. We tend to tighten our perceptions down so much to fit into the everyday world there is no room for continuous wonder. I'll tell you, it is possible to be constantly amazed at everything most people block out, and still function in your everyday, mundane world. *raises hand*

That's not a judgment of being practical or pragmatic. It's just a shame when it is forced on people by their upbringing or circumstance.

Sometimes, I think it would be nice if I didn't have to work as hard to actually connect with people, if it could just come a little more naturally.

If it were any easier for you to connect you'd be a virus. You do connect easily, as proved by people thinking you've always been around. You just for some reason don't seem to feel it from your end.

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Continuous wonder has nothing to do with it, as far as I'm concerned. I am continually charmed and amazed by how beautiful the world is: it's just a matter of keeping an open mind. My mother taught me to look for what's beautiful in life, and my father taught me to respect all knowledge. Being open to experiences is not the problem.

What I don't get is the "instant connection" thing. I don't get it, fundamentally. I have never reliably known anyone the first time we met: I have to take the time to get to know them. First impressions are important, taking the time to talk and do things together is equally if not more important. I'm almost 100% sure I've never met any of my current fremily in a past life. Maybe 99% sure (I'm known for having a poor memory, after all. ;) ).

No one I know has "instantly known" me either. In fact, I'm pretty sure that most people don't get me as well as they think they do. Don't get me wrong: I'm not all "No one understands me! Woe!" I just think that people make a whole lot of assumptions about who I am. Doubtless I make similar assumptions, and this has caught me off-guard any number of times when reality didn't jive with my pre(mis?)conceptions.

This is probably coming off a lot more negatively than I intend. I blame lack of adequate sleep. ;) It's not that I think it's a bad thing, it's just that I don't understand it at all: it's outside my realm of experience.

[bodhifox.livejournal.com]

That was in direct response to your things only happening in stories comment. I believe they happen all the time IRL, if you are open to seeing such things. There's plenty of things outside my realm of experience. One of my college friends kept me around because my inexperience in worldly things was charming. o_O

When people talk of reincarnation, I consider most of the folk I meet were in their past-lives, probably, trees. You may have grasped the fact I don't have many close friends. I'm a grumpy, charmless old man and I always have been. But I have had the instant connection feeling. I had it with Sparky before she was born, not so with Eldest or Bear. And the friends I have are one's I consider to be mine, as in the sense of Fremily, or chosen. the friends I do have are priceless.

I don't claim to *know you* for instance, but I'm very comfortable with you, and was from early on, as I was with Darroch. I think that's a LMI thing. Sometimes the fun is in the discovery and unfolding and growing into friends. And sometimes there is a jump start, and the connection is *Wham!* instant recognition and remembrance, and you just backfill on what you've been doing this time around since you last were together. It's rare, but to me, real. IMHO, anyway.