Like a rollercoaster on speed

[mousme]

I so need to find myself a meds doctor. This whole SSRI thing is not working out. Been up and down like a merry-go-round on acid for the past few weeks, and it's wearing me out.

I can see myself blowing everything out of proportion, making everything more important than it is, making catastrophes out of minor incidents, and there's not a damned thing I can do about it. I've done all my exercised, rationalised until I was blue in the face, and nothing. Nada.

Can't sit still, but don't want to go anywhere, can't find the motivation to do anything. Am amazed I'm still coming in to work everyday (oh, wait, I'm only doing that so I don't get fired).

Attempting not to feel sorry for myself. Harder than it sounds. No, I'm not fishing for sympathy: I truly hate myself when I get like this (well, I usually hate myself, but I hate myself even more when I become a whiny pathetic little bitch).

Meh.

My break is over in ten minutes, and there's no end in sight. I get off at 6pm, and I only have one other ten minute break at 4:30. Even then it seems far, far away.

At least the cold meds seem to be halfway working (I can sort of breathe).

And once again, I've managed to make this all about me, when I'm not even worth bothering over.

Comments

[chasingthenuns.livejournal.com]

the ssri thing never worked for me either. *hugs*

[paganmommy.livejournal.com]

You "could" be bi-polor. You don't need to have extreme highs in order to be bi-polar, there are many different types, and quite honestly, and in my completely non-professional opinion, it sounds as if you "may" qualify. SSRI's tend to bring out bi-polar tendencies also.
Oh, and I don't feel sorry for you, but I DEFINATELY feel for you. Read some of my recent journal entries and you will know why.

[hesadevil.livejournal.com]

Everyone is worth bothering over, sweetie - you included.
~
You're right, too, - change your medic - and soon!