Just send the goddamned fax already, Phnee

[mousme]

Okay, yeah, so I'm procrastinating. Procrastinating a lot, in fact, on sending out this fax to register for the dispatcher course.

Partly it's because I'm not sure I have the money. But that's not really what's stopping me.

Mostly it's sheer, unadulterated terror. I have a job. An unstable, boring, repetitive, and unrewarding job, but a job. One I know I can do. I have no such certainties about dispatching. Part of me is convinced this is too good to be true. How could I possibly ever learn to do emergency dispatch during two courses that last two weekends each? It seems unrealistic.

The rational bit of my brain is pointing out that, even if four weekends isn't enough, it'll still be a start. The irrational bit of my brain is running around in circles, alternately flapping its arms and wringing its hands.

If I put this off long enough, there won't be any room left to register. I have to pull out my credentials (these people insist that I prove I finished high school, imagine that!) and fax those along with my registration form. Ironically enough, I don't have my high school diploma anymore. No idea where it went. I do have my diploma from McGill, though, so that should do just as well, hopefully. I mean, if I went to university, it follows that I finished high school, right?

I think my McGill diploma is in a box at my parents' place. So that means going there and trying to dig it out of wherever it's stored. Meep.


There is no really good reason for me not to do any of this. Finding the diploma wouldn't take that long. Sending the fax would take even less time. Gah.

Of course, that would make it real.


...


Am I allowed to go hide in a corner until this all goes away?


...


I thought not.

Comments

[mousme.livejournal.com]

Is it really too late for you to join the police force? Is there an age limit on who they'll accept?

If you still want to do it, that is.

And yes, yikes with the fear and the paralysis. I will get over myself soon and do this. I owe it to myself. :)

[whiskeygirl8.livejournal.com]

No, it's not too late. Not as far as they're concerned. It is as far as I'm concerned, though. I don't want it badly enough to go through all the crap. I don't feel bad about it as in, "I wish I was a police officer" just "I wish I knew if I could have done it." Does that make sense? I like being a dispatcher well enough to satisfy my law enforcement cravings. It really is an interesting job. I get a lot of the fun of what the officers do (the adrenaline during a pursuit and all that) without any of the risks. Plus, I get to be inside when it's cold and really hot.

I think you would be good at it. Of course, two weekends isn't enough for you to be totally proficient, but wherever you end up working will train you and probably won't let you on your own until they believe you are proficient. I would be satisfied knowing you were on the other end of the line when I dialed whatever the equivalent to 9-1-1 is in Canada. :)

[mousme.livejournal.com]

For the record, it's 9-1-1 here too. :)

And thank you. It's nice to hear encouragement from someone who actually knows what it's like on the other side of the headset.