I give up.

[mousme]

Isn't hubris a great word?

The computer is dead. I'm going to see how much it'll cost to get fixed this weekend, *if* it can be fixed.

I didn't get my texts backed up in time before it died. So all 36,700 words of my novel are as good as gone, as are all 52,000 words of my serial, and everything else I had on the computer. Poof.

I'm taking this as a sign. I'm obviously not meant to write. I'm obviously not meant to have anything that gives me pleasure or a sense of accomplishment. So, I give up.

I wish this had happened before I bought the materials for a new writing project, but whatever. Chalk it up to experience and move on. I can always give the stuff to someone who needs it.

To the people of Bluebook: I'll try to honour my committments from work, but as you know that's unreliable. I may have to retire all my characters except for Bradshaw, since I probably won't have time to write more than one character. I'd retire from the game entirely, but CS1 has had enough problems with their COs that I don't want to leave you guys in the lurch again.

I'm sorry if I'm disappointing anyone else. That's just the way things go, I guess. I forgot for a while there that I'm not allowed to make Plans.

I'm just supposed to plod along steadily in one dead-end job after another until the day I die, chasing my financial tail. Fulfilment is for other people.

I'm not even sad or angry at this point. I'm just sort of numb.

Comments

All right. That's enough of that noise!

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

I'm appalled to learn the fate of your machine. You have my deepest sympathy. I would encourage you to do some more checking into the problem before surrendering to despair. I realize that distraught right now, and understandably so, but I urge you to reevaluate your assessment of your situation as soon as possible. If you're going to talk like this about quitting, I'm going to have to join the Committee to Go to Canada and Spank Some Sense Into Phnee. I hate snow. Don't make me come up there! ; ) If you want to write, then it IS what you were meant to do. Frankly though, I don't think it's in you to stop writing. You have too many good ideas that you want to get into print.