One day back at work, and it's like I never left. So I came home, heated up some chili (which is divine, by the way, thank you for asking: I added in some hot peppers whose name escapes me, and some spicy Italian sausage, just because I could), and am treating myself to a White Russian (see icon). I may have a second one. I may need to buy more vodka at this rate. Never let it be said that I am not true to my mother's heritage. It's proper Russian vodka, too, none of that shitty Absolut stuff.
I am recovering from a day of too many people talking to me all the time and forever and ever amen. People I had to listen to, because that's my job. By the end of the day, though, I was snarling at the phone as it rang. I did my job courteously and professionally, but in my head all I could think was "Shut up and go way! Shut up shut up shut up NO I WON'T RUN THOSE FIVE PLATES FOR YOU AGAIN BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION THE FIRST TIME, YOU ASS!" Not that the guys were being addle-pated idiots today or anything. ;)
If these little breaks away from work drive anything home for me, it's just how much of an introvert I really am. Sure, I like seeing all my friends (love you all: mwah!), but most of the time I spent in the last ten days was alone time. I puttered on the internet, I ran errands, I wrote letters, I read books and watched some movies. Essentially, I recharged after months of dealing with people. Droves of people, in my space, all the freaking time.
Human contact is good for me. I know this. Left alone for too long, my mind starts going in circles and occasionally tries to kill me. So, not good. But on the whole, seeing friends once a week is more than sufficient for my "seeing of other human beings" quota. Less if it's a large group of friends or a particularly extroverted/exuberant friend. Not surprisingly, most of my friends are introverted to varying degrees.
I think this might be a large part of why I'm no good at relationships. Who on earth wants to be saddled with someone who can't stand human contact for at least 50% of their waking life? On the plus side, it's not like I hate being on my own. I love having my own quiet time, and I like my own company: I'm pretty interesting, after all, and I can make myself laugh like no one else can. ;)
But yes. Other people are work for me, with friends and family being pleasant work and with other interactions being just work. Even pleasant work takes its toll, though, and there are days when picking up phone messages or looking at email seems like a daunting task, never mind actually responding in a timely fashion. Since not doing it guarantees I'm going to lose important friendships (my parents will never give up on me, thank goodness), I've been making slow but sure progress over the past few years, and I disappear less than I used to, but I still do disappear occasionally.
Work doesn't help by keeping me constantly busy and exhausted and away from home, so that by the time I get home it's late and I have no energy and have only a few hours before I have to turn around and do it all again.
Why am I writing this? I have no idea. Maybe it's the vodka. Time for me to start winding down for the evening, since I have to go to work tomorrow. You're all shocked, I know, but there you go.
