You're a fantastic person. (Shut up and let me compliment you, okay?)
I hate weight. I hate thinking about it, I hate that it's a part of our effin' culture. I remember being first aware of it at six years old. My ma and I were at Sears Department store and she was buying jeans for me. The saleswoman looked down at me and said "Oh, you'll be needing a Husky, then." And I remember the bottom dropping out of my stomach. I wanted to hide in the nearest rack of clothes.
I'm short (5'2") and my weight has been from chubby to ninety pounds. I went through a period when my father was dying of cancer that could be classified as seriously disordered eating. And like you, I experienced that when I tried hard to watch my 'diet', I would obsess on the numbers and never be happy with the results, one way or the other. I found that my weight (and self-esteem) stabilized a lot when I shifted focus to non-weight things, like art and writing and family, and simply got outside periodically for walks and Frisbee golf, that kind of low-pressure, unquantifiable exercise. For the fresh air and a change of scenery.
You're doing such a good thing by figuring out what you LIKE. Fuck the scale. Listen to your body. There's more than one way to skin a cat, and you will likely find yourself shifting those 'ways' because we are not machines; we are constantly fluctuating creatures. Changing your mindset from deprivation to "What do I really need to fuel my body and soul right now?" has got be be incredibly positive, yeah?
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I hate weight. I hate thinking about it, I hate that it's a part of our effin' culture. I remember being first aware of it at six years old. My ma and I were at Sears Department store and she was buying jeans for me. The saleswoman looked down at me and said "Oh, you'll be needing a Husky, then." And I remember the bottom dropping out of my stomach. I wanted to hide in the nearest rack of clothes.
I'm short (5'2") and my weight has been from chubby to ninety pounds. I went through a period when my father was dying of cancer that could be classified as seriously disordered eating. And like you, I experienced that when I tried hard to watch my 'diet', I would obsess on the numbers and never be happy with the results, one way or the other. I found that my weight (and self-esteem) stabilized a lot when I shifted focus to non-weight things, like art and writing and family, and simply got outside periodically for walks and Frisbee golf, that kind of low-pressure, unquantifiable exercise. For the fresh air and a change of scenery.
You're doing such a good thing by figuring out what you LIKE. Fuck the scale. Listen to your body. There's more than one way to skin a cat, and you will likely find yourself shifting those 'ways' because we are not machines; we are constantly fluctuating creatures. Changing your mindset from deprivation to "What do I really need to fuel my body and soul right now?" has got be be incredibly positive, yeah?
I'm rootin' for you.