So, I was wondering: how do these things work? How does one go from being a random internet acquaintance to having an online relationship? What are the advantages, the disadvantages, the pitfalls, the good, the bad and the ugly?
Seven years ago i used to say jokingly, "Local for sex, long distance for love." It wasn't something i did, but it wasn't entirely in jest, either.
That said...i've had several short-term long distance relationships. I think the longest duration was about a year. The shortest distance was a three hour drive, and we saw each other about once a month. The longest distance was over a thousand miles, and although we dated for a year, and are still friends, we've never met.
Pros: I used to communicate better in print than i did in person, and it was a really neat way to get to know someone. In some ways i got to know people online better than i did in person, because of the non-verbal communication. I can't think of any other pros.
Cons: In some ways communication works *too* well, and because it's hard to go backwards or stall a relationship without killing it, the relationship can progress too fast for comfort levels.
No physical contact, and the nights get lonely.
You have no idea how this person is going to ineteract or fit in with your friends or other real human beings. Believe me, it does make a difference.
You have no idea if you have body chemistry. Even if looks don't mean anything to you, what if their body language really doesn't do anything for you?
The ugly: The waiting, oh god, the waiting. Even if you have the patience of Job, waiting sucks rotten eggs.
The uncertainty...it's much harder to feel secure when you are not a part of anything "real" in that person's daily life, when you have to trust, absolutely, that they're giving you a clear, unbiased view of what they're really like.
The expense. Even if you have the self-control of a saint, you will eventually spend money on long-distance calls, or on trips, or...
How does one go from being a random internet acquaintance to having an online relationship?
The same way non-internet relationships start: Someone asks someone else if they want to date. Or at least it's worked that way in my experience.
I think internet relationships can be as deep, as stable, and as rewarding as relationships begun offline, but they do have different pros and cons. And you have to look at where you eventually want this to go. If you're just dating for fun, i would highly recommend not looking at long-distance relationships. Those tend to get you sucked tighter and tighter into a smaller world that ends up revolving around online interaction, whereas real-life dating gets you out of the house and involved in other things. Therefore, if and when the relationship is ended, it's potentially less devastating.
However, if you meet someone online and everything clicks and you start caring about each other, and what you're really wanting or thinking about is something long-term and serious, then go for it. Just make plans to make take it offline eventually.
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Date: 2003-04-09 02:29 pm (UTC)Seven years ago i used to say jokingly, "Local for sex, long distance for love." It wasn't something i did, but it wasn't entirely in jest, either.
That said...i've had several short-term long distance relationships. I think the longest duration was about a year. The shortest distance was a three hour drive, and we saw each other about once a month. The longest distance was over a thousand miles, and although we dated for a year, and are still friends, we've never met.
Pros: I used to communicate better in print than i did in person, and it was a really neat way to get to know someone. In some ways i got to know people online better than i did in person, because of the non-verbal communication. I can't think of any other pros.
Cons: In some ways communication works *too* well, and because it's hard to go backwards or stall a relationship without killing it, the relationship can progress too fast for comfort levels.
No physical contact, and the nights get lonely.
You have no idea how this person is going to ineteract or fit in with your friends or other real human beings. Believe me, it does make a difference.
You have no idea if you have body chemistry. Even if looks don't mean anything to you, what if their body language really doesn't do anything for you?
The ugly: The waiting, oh god, the waiting. Even if you have the patience of Job, waiting sucks rotten eggs.
The uncertainty...it's much harder to feel secure when you are not a part of anything "real" in that person's daily life, when you have to trust, absolutely, that they're giving you a clear, unbiased view of what they're really like.
The expense. Even if you have the self-control of a saint, you will eventually spend money on long-distance calls, or on trips, or...
How does one go from being a random internet acquaintance to having an online relationship?
The same way non-internet relationships start: Someone asks someone else if they want to date. Or at least it's worked that way in my experience.
I think internet relationships can be as deep, as stable, and as rewarding as relationships begun offline, but they do have different pros and cons. And you have to look at where you eventually want this to go. If you're just dating for fun, i would highly recommend not looking at long-distance relationships. Those tend to get you sucked tighter and tighter into a smaller world that ends up revolving around online interaction, whereas real-life dating gets you out of the house and involved in other things. Therefore, if and when the relationship is ended, it's potentially less devastating.
However, if you meet someone online and everything clicks and you start caring about each other, and what you're really wanting or thinking about is something long-term and serious, then go for it. Just make plans to make take it offline eventually.